2007, December 9
Omg...don't even mention the word "christmas"...I am SO unprepared! ahh!

I've decided that i'm stupid and that i suck at life.

We had supper here with Rochelle last night, it was fun. I really like socializing with people, even if it's just for a little while. it seems like I haven't had the time to be around other people lately...

so everyone's getting along now. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I stopped being all vindictive and decided to try and KEEP the place clean myself so that no one has any reason to complain about anything. Of course, people do help out, and it's been really cool, because everyone's been nice to everyone else. Looking back now, it seems really lame that I was constantly writing about how so-and-so pissed me off all the time. Guess it's a good thing no one actually reads this, lol.



2007, November 21, 2pm
I had an interesting, and slightly disturbing thought the other day. When most people thing of someone who is truly evil, whether it be an actual person, or a character in a story, we don't consider that the person would be empathetic. In fact, we feel as though that person is evil because he or she does not feel empathy for other people. But what if it is the opposite? I mean think about it - if a person is empathetic, then that person would know what would really hurt someone else. We just tend to assume that the person would avoid doing those things because they know how that person would feel. For an evil character (it's more fun to make generalizations about a fictional object, and less disturbing, lol), wouldn't it then make more sense for them to be empathetic, because if they know what would hurt a person most of all, they could then do those things deliberately, rather than ignorantly?

I discovered this the other day when I was thinking about thinking of ways in which to insult my roommate hypothetically (you know, when you practice all the things you would say to a person, but you have no intention of ever saying those things, it's just a way to vent and get it out before you actually hurt the person by saying them?). I knew that there were a lot of things that I could say that would be really hurtful, and I knew that they would be hurtful because, at least, I would hope that I'm even just the tiniest bit empathetic. Suppose I actually decided to say those hurtful things? In thinking about this, I remembered that way back, when my roommate had written a note on the fridge saying that he would do the dishes, and he didn't, I put a note on the note that said "do you enjoy being a disappointment?" because I knew that it feels worse to know that you're a disappointment than to have someone say "you're stupid" or some other bad word. Because of that empathy, I chose the thing that would sting the most.

Of course this is a very small example...I mean, I'm talking about dishes and notes on the fridge, but the idea of it still remains the same.

Empathy itself demands responsibility.



2007, November 20, 7pm
At what point is a person too nice, and at what point does a person cross the line and become a very terrible person?

Situation: We've all experienced it. Someone else breaks, wrecks, or loses something of ours, and the person who did it never replaces it. It happens more often than not, and somehow, from the beginning, we always had that feeling, that idea, that the person wasn't going to. So, when the situation reverses itself, and we find ourselves having broken something of someone else's, and that person is requesting that it be replaced. We are then faced with the dillemma: do we replace it or not?

The answer seems easy, doesn't it? Of course, we'd replace it, right? Because we're nice people, because we want to show that we aren't like that. However, what if we know that this person would never replace something that he had broken of ours? We can already foresee the reasons he would come up with as to why he wouldn't be able to. Most likely, he would put it off to the point where we had all parted and gone our separate ways, and there was nothing anyone could do about it anymore. It's happened so many times with other people, and this person isn't the kind of person to spend money if he can get out of it.

Of course, it's not like we could just tell this person "Well, you would never do the same for me," because regardless of whether or not it is true, it is a judgment, and judgments are easy to deny when there's no HARD proof. This person would say that he would definately replace something if he broke it, and will then proceed to demand replacement of his broken object.

I am not in this situation personally, but looking at it, I don't know what I would do if I were in the situaiton. There have been a few times when I've pitched in more than my share of money to cover for other people, and I know that I won't ever see it. Now, when I'm actually quite poor, and when I NEED the money that I do make, would I really spend $100 dollars to replace something for someone else when I know for a fact that person would never do the same for me? Do I really want to throw away $100 dollars just for the sake of being nice? Would I be too nice if I did replace the object? Or would I become even more of a jerk if I decided not to? It's not like I would feel bad about wrecking any sort of friendship with this person (seeing as how there isn't one), and I really don't care about the object that was wrecked. In the end, I would be short $100 of the money I need, all for the sake of being a nice person.

Is it immature of me to feel as if I've been wronged enough in being nice that I don't want to be the "nice guy" this time (or "girl", as the case may be)?

Again, this isn't my situation, but the fact that I feel this way is enough, isn't it?



2007 November 1, 9pm
So my antagonistic roommate and I had a bit of a fight today. Thankfully, this time, it did not involve notes, but actual verbal speech, which is how it should be. Basically, he told me to do the dishes. He's done them the least out of everyone who lives here, he does not help when someone else is doing the dishes, yet he was telling me to do the dishes. I guess it IS fair to say that it was, for the most part, my mess. It is also fair to say that with University homework, work, and everything else going on, I've neglected to take more time in cleaning. He was upset that after his doing the dishes yesterday, the dishes were dirty not even 24 hours later (which happens every time I do the dishes, but he didn't think it would have EVER been his mess...*cough*) Kevin was mad that this antagonistic roommate of mine was telling me what to do, and as you can imagine, there later befell some pretty heated words between us.

I don't claim to have a superior stance in all of this. I don't even claim to be a better person. I AM, however, glad that all the things I had been wanting to point out, I was able to point out verbally. I later texted him to say the rest of what I needed to say - as I could not get it out verbally. In short, I called him a lot of things that weren't very nice, but every single one of them is true, and something I felt he needed to hear (or read, as the case may be). Of course, saying these things in a text message was probably pretty immature, but I'm still glad I did say them. If I didn't, I'd be saying all those things behind his back, and that's probably much much worse. So, by saying those things, I've decided it to be final. I am so SICK of hearing myself complaining about him. I'm so sick of being irritable all the time, thinking about all the things that I COULD say, thinking of all the ways I could prove that he is a terrible person. I don't want to CARE anymore about what he did or what he said or whether his music is too loud or whatever. I could spend hours just thinking up all the possible ways I could hurt him and cause him to react.

I thought about apologizing to him, but what would I say? "I'm sorry that I said the things that I said. I meant every word though, and given the opportunity, the only thing I would do different is say it to your face instead of texting you." or, "I'm sorry for telling you the truth about how I feel about you, however, I did mean to hurt you and I would never intend to take it back. I wanted you to learn something, and the only way I could do that is by hurting you." Why should I give an insincere apology? And why should I even mention that I wanted him to learn anything if I know that he would never see that for what it is? He would only ever see it as me being childish and immature. (granted, in truth, my motives probably had very little to do with "teaching" him anything, but more with provoking confrontation...but I'm splitting hairs and over-analyzing...for the billionth time during my lifespan).

The part that makes me sad is that he said he was proud of being an ass hole. Will he still be able to say that 30 years from now? I know for a fact that unless he has a random epiphany one day, he'll end up crashing, and hard, before he realizes that he probably should have treated the people around him better. After all, I'm nothing to him - I'm just a roommate, a girl he's never going to see again after 3 months or so, and even if he does see me, we don't have to talk to each other or share ANYTHING. But there are other people in his life, like his band members, his friends, his girlfriend... I wonder if he ever thinks about how they feel? Of course, he wouldn't treat them as badly as he does me - at least, one would hope. Often times I see reasons to beg to differ on that account, and it makes me feel kinda sad. I'll admit that I can't wait for the day that he can finally see himself, and I hope that it doesn't happen too late.

After all this, let me say that this is it - this is the end of my ranting about dirty dishes - and garbages too, lol. I don't want to care about the actions of my antagonistic roommate anymore, so let this be THE END.



2007 October 31, 6pm
It's a lot harder to be nice to a person whom one doesn't particularly like than one would think. I said that I wouldn't put up any more nasty notes on the fridge (not even a week ago, lol), and I HAVE kept my word (I was going to put a note on the garbage bag left by the door, but I thought better of it and just took the bag out myself [the person who changed the garbage neglected to put it where it was actually supposed to go and left it by the door instead - in case anyone was wondering about why I'd be ranting about the garbage..lol]). If I were to be able to be on OKAY terms with my antagonistic roommate, I would not only have to not do anything horrible, but also not think anything horrible. Ahh, to be able to control one's own mind! Now THAT is a difficult task. I may not be overly mean towards my roommate, and I even go as far as speaking politely to him, but whenever he does something that pisses me off, I tend to feel the need to tell other people and vent about it for a while. But I'm sure that if my friends aren't already getting tired of hearing it, they soon will. And, the other side is that I also become bitter about other people, not just my antagonistic roommate.

I think the thing that irritates me the most is that I'm getting irritated over things like dishes and garbage being changed but not taken out. When you just look at it in those simple terms, it seems laughable that I should get worked up over something so silly. Is it really possible to judge a person's character based on how well they keep the house in order? Although, at the same time, another one of my roommates hardly EVER cleans, but I think he's a cool person, and I don't think I've ever said anything bad about him. My antagonistic roommate tends to have bad character in many of the things he does, so perhaps THAT is what bothers me, and the dishes and garbage are just triggers. But then, I'm splitting hairs and over-analyzing the situation.

Either way, it doesn't change the fact that I've been dealing with this unreasonably. I need to try to be a nicer person - not just in action but in thought as well - especially if I don't want this behaviour to spill out into the relationships I have with other people. One of my favourite quotes is that "how you treat the people you hate is how you will treat the people you love in your worst of times". Frankly, I'm starting to scare myself.

I don't want to go to University classes. I don't want to go to work. I need a break. Ah, but I'm going to Medicine Hat in a week! OMG! I'm going to be 19 in a week! When did that happen? ahh!!! Time is going by too quickly! (I only say that because I have a lot of things I need to get done before then...oi. Take care everyone! Ja ne!



2007 October 26, midnight
I begin to tell you of a person I don't particularly like. She is the kind of person that will often speak badly of other people. She becomes very dramatic; she readies herself to tell whomsoever happens to be around a story, a little tidbit of information that may discredit someone else. In describing this person, I imagine a terrible image of her, uglified by her terrible habit. Each remembrance of this person brings me displeasure and a need to vent. But as I imagine this person, the image fades away, and I find myself merely looking into a mirror upon myself.

There are many times I want to blame my alarm clock for causing me to be late, but I realize that it is usually my fault to begin with. I get this mental image of a cartoon with me banging the alarm clock and screaming at it. Then, the alarm clock gets bigger and grows arms, and proceeds to shake me around, yelling at me, saying "It's not my bloody fault you're always late!"

It's funny, but true - people often tend to blame other people for their own failures. People also fail to realize that the people they dislike are a lot like themselves. The more I think of how much I hate something about another person, the more I realize that I'm slowly becoming like them.

I wrote a note on the fridge yesterday - this time, instead of cutting people down about being slobbish creatures or dishonest money-whoring frauds, I thanked everyone I lived with for something they did that was impressive, and I baked some muffins for everyone. It made me feel better to do this than to point out other people's mistakes or misconducts. Maybe if I just try to be nice, it'll do more than writing nasty notes on the fridge. From here on, I'll try to only write notes about muffins and sharing - I can't promise anything, but I'm going to try.



2007 October 10, 10:30pm
Omg, I just found one of the funniest discussion that I've read in a while:

Fall Out Boy Aren't Really a Band - More a Mental Disorder

If you really really love Fall Out Boy and you would get really really offended if you read something negative about them, I would not suggest you go to this site, as it would be fairly upsetting. However, if you like satirical humour, go to this site and check it out!

Now, back to homework...ughhh...



2007 October 9, 2am
Yay! I'm so happy, I made a friend, lol. I went over to the apartment of one of Kevin's friends for Thanksgiving supper, and it was soo cool ^_^ It was just her and I for the first hour or so, and then Kevin came after work. It was nice though, because we got to bond, hehe. It always makes me happy when I get to cook with other people and talk about life. And...I made carrot cake! and carrot muffins! eheheh, I love baking things, it makes me feel useful, and then I have food afterwards, lol. (That, and baking things heats the house, haha...stupid lack of natural gas...stupid lack of hot water and heat...) Too bad I have SO much homework to do. I put it off over the weekend because I had to work, and I wanted to clean (it was really, really bad), and I wanted to visit my dad. It's not like I didn't do ANYTHING over the weekend related to homework...I actually put in a few hours when I could, but I didn't do as much as I should have. Oh well...I prefer to have a life every now and then. Even tonight...I COULD have just stayed home and did homework instead of having a nice thanksgiving supper, but that would have seriously depressed me. I'm really glad to stay up late doing homework if it means I can socialize, lol.

I'll keep this short tonight, for previously mentioned reasons, lol. Bai Bai!



2007 October 3, 11pm
Too...much...homework...going...to...die....lol well not really, it just seems like a lot, and it seems like I don't have much time. All I have to do is convince myself that time doesn't exist and the several chapters I have to read are infinitely small, and I'll be okay

*listens* Aww, how cute, lol. My antagonistic roommate is talking about me very loudly, lol. He just said "I hope she fucking hears me!" and now he's talking in the room next to me (although, ironically, it's harder to hear from there, haha) and every now and then I can hear a swear word and some mumbling. *sigh* The sad part is, in this despute, I know that there is no one person whoI is right, or wrong (In a sense you could say we're all wrong - all in that it involves more than just the both of us). I can admit that yes, in calling a person an ass, I am also an ass, and in replying to messages on the fridge in a sarcastic tone, I'm just as bad as the first person to write the message. I didn't call anyone an ass though, but he thinks I did - someone else wrote that part, lol. From what I can gather, he is now mad at me because I *supposedly* called him an ass for writing "someone do the dishes, please" on the fridge. His argument is that he hasn't been here for the past week, so it's up to the rest of us to do them. That's fair enough - having been in the same position I would tend to agree with that standpoint. HOWEVER, I've also done my fair share of cleaning up after other people's messes that didn't belong to me - along with those of which belonging to my antagonistic roommate - and I didn't go around telling other people to do the dishes. Also, the reason why the "other person" wrote that my antagonistic roommate is an ass wasn't necessarily because he wrote that note in particular. I think that it had to do with all the other times that this roommate of mine tends to borrow things and not give them back, but demand that the things borrowed from him be returned immediately, or the times when he does a chore once and brags about it afterward, and that he tends to be very selfish about a lot of things. This note on the fridge was probably insignificant by itself, but it triggered so much angste from the past events that this "other person" felt it necessary to call my roommate an ass. The way I see it, in regards to doing the dishes, one should do them if they need to be done, not because it's someone's turn. Ideally, we would all clean up after ourselves right after we make a mess, but none of us have the initiative to do that, so it all piles up. You could wait for someone else to do the dishes, but when you run out of things to use, it would make more sense (to me anyway) to just do the dishes rather than bitch about it. Anyway, As you can see, both points of view are completely logical, yet completely different. Whereas he gets mad that things are done or not done, I tend to get mad over why things are done or not done.

Anyway, as I said about the homework thing...the other thing I have to do is stop procrastinating! Hehe, well, in closing, I'm an asshole and a huge jerk sometimes, and I'm certainly not always right in my standpoint. I admire the people in religions such as Jainism and Buddhism who practice ahimsa (non-violence...in both action and thought), as it's much, much harder than one would think.

Ja ne!



2007 September 27, 2:30am
Ahh, starting to come down with the sickness that's been going around (or possibly rabies - I got bit by a stray cat the other day, and I still haven't gone to the doctor). Oh well, hopefully it'll get better :)

There was an issue that came up tonight in conversation. The issue was that the people working in industrial jobs are going to end up stuck there, wasting their time over several years. Thinking on this, I came up with my own theory about working at both the low-end jobs and the higher-paying industrial type jobs:

A person does not get stuck at a job because of the job itself, nor does a person get stuck at a job because of the money that person makes. What keeps a person stuck working at that job is the person's inability to manage his or her money. No matter where a person works, one has to use that job as a resource, not the other way around. A job is a method to make money, and one makes money to get ahead in life. If a person spends all his money on excessive partying, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, or even on take-out food, constant trips to the theatre, band tickets, etc., and never saves anything, then that person will be no further ahead than when he started. A person has to save money in order to do bigger and better things, such as going to university, starting a business, or even starting a family. If a person never saves any money, that person will not be able to go to university or start a business without accumulating a huge debt. If that person relies on the hope that after university he will make enough money to pay off the debt, but suddenly drops out half-way through, then he has much deeper problems to deal with than when he first started. So, keep in mind: when you feel as though you're going to be stuck at your job forever, come up with a set plan for the future, and save the money you obtain from your job to achieve that goal. If you're really sick of working where you work, look for another job (avoid quitting before you've found another job). Do not limit yourself by working at a place you hate, and don't limit yourself by settling for the "quick-fix" either. Figure out what you want to do in life, set down a goal, save your money, and act on your goal in such a way that it is not unreasonable for you to obtain your goal.

Oh hey! That roommate I was talking about in the previous entry - we're on good terms now, and we agree with eachother on the bills. Yay! I like agreeing with people on things. Fighting stresses me out, especially when I'm fighting over money. Ugh, I'm so tired...I'm gonna go to bed. Oyasuminasai!



2007 September 24, 10pm
I'm in the back of a car right now on my way back from my first astronomy lab (at the actual observatory). It's quite surprising how cold it gets at night when you're not in the city. Was it this cold when I lived in Wadena? Maybe I just didn't go outside that much then, haha. Yeah, so anyway, that whole not whining thing I had planned didn't go over so well. I made it about half-way through the day and then some other people started discussing one of my roommates, and of course, since I feel antagonistically towards him, I had my fair say, lol. It's really starting to bother me, though. I've always tried to live by the idea that "how you treat the people you hate is how you'll treat the people you love in your worst of times." There's a lot of things that my roommate does that really piss me off, from mundane (yet important!) things like doing the dishes properly to handling the bills. I'm not even going to get on the issue of the bills, since I'll end up going on for a very long time, and it's between us anyway. I've come to acknowledge that not only do I dislike this person, but I've begun to almost hate him (I reached the point where I was genuinely mad at him the other day, which is something that happens maybe once every couple years). I honestly toyed with the idea of moving out then and there, despite the fact that it's so hard to find a place to live in this city. I decided, though, that moving out would simply be running away from my problems. I won't always have the option of relocating myself when I don't get along with someone, so if I run from it now, I'll have less chance of being able to deal with my situation properly the next time. Also, every time I say a harsh word or think of all the cruel things I could do to this person, I feel as though that is a reflection on how I will treat the people I love later on in life - that is the part that scares me.

One of the most respectable things about a person is the fact that he or she will admit when he or she is wrong and take responsibility for their actions. One of the most disrespectable thing about a person is that he or she refuses to admit when he or she is wrong, and places the blame on someone else. From my perspective, anyway.

It was really awesome the other night - there were a bunch of people over and we all hung out in the basement, casually drinking, and talking about a wide variety of topics including religion, politics, the effects of addictions on people's lives, perspective itself, and so much more than what I can list. I LOVE having deep, interesting conversations. It's one of the very few things I'll stay up late for on a night when I work at 7am the next morning. I can't just miss out on an opportunity like that...it seems like it happens too seldomly. So often, the people I tend to go for coffee with or hang out with socially have most of their conversations centered on the latest movie, the technological wonders of cell phones, or really bad humour. As you can imagine, I don't say much of anything in these conversations, lol. I don't watch tv, I haven't watched many new movies lately, I only know a tiny bit about cell phones and I don't care so much about their features, and I have a more sarcastic sense of humour. Haha, I've grown up too much, I don't like humour that consists of sexual references or gross things as the main "punchline", I suppose you could say. Don't get me wrong, that's not all of what they talk about; it does get interesting sometimes and I do partake in the conversation sometimes *gasp*, but it's so rare that a REAL conversation breaks out.

Like in The Last Samurai, when the guy said "all I want is a good conversation." (I probably butchered that quote, but it runs along the same line) That's another thing I find respectable about a person - the fact that they are willing to talk about deep, compelling stuff.

Car ride is just about over, so I'm gonna take off. Ja ne!



2007 September 18, 1am
I've been finding myself whining a lot lately, especially about trivial things. So, since it's the start of a new day, I'm going to try and not whine at all for the next 24 hours! I had coffee today, and it made me happy ^_^ I should have some more coffee, since I have coffee grounds, a coffee maker, and running water at my disposal. It's 1am, you say? That's alright, it will allow me to finish my homework for tonight, and thus allow me to have time to do more homework tomorrow :) I had a physics/astronomy related discussion with Harris today, which made me feel at least a little bit intelligent. He explained the idea of the "red shift" to me, and I understood it! I was so happy - it's not very often I understand physics, lol. *breaks to make a cup of coffee* Alright! Now I'm set! *yay* So, my plan for today is to stay up really late and get completely caught up in all of my classes. I might sleep after that, and then I'll go to University. Then, I'm going to go uptown and pay my share of all the bills. Then, I'm going to do more homework :) Oh yeah, I'm on the ball this week! (I say that now, lol). It's so weird though, because all of this "homework" I speak of isn't the kind that is worth marks. Technically, all I'm required to do is read the text. However, I'm making up notes and flashcards for myself, which is something I never did in high school unless it was required for History class, lol. (Thank you, Mr. Gabel!) Now, I'm doing it voluntarily. OOOooooOOOoo.

Just as I'd expected, I've begun to drink more coffee now that University has started. Not that it's a bad thing; one cup of coffee a day is good for you, since it contains anti-toxins or something like that.

I've also discovered that although a person shouldn't judge someone else because that person does cocaine, cocaine is still really really bad (I already knew that, but the knowledge has been reinforced by...circumstances, lol. And no, it's not from PERSONAL experience, as I've never done any drugs besides alcohol, caffeine, and over-the-counter drugs. And no, it's not a person that's really close to me either, for those of you who may be jumping to conclusions based on my obscurity).

I can't decide whether my favourite colour is still purple, or if it's pastel green. I really like pastel green, but I also really like purple. *thinks really hard* Oki! I like them both equally ^_^

I hear a lot of people say negative things about psychologists. When I become a psychologist, I want to find out what people don't like about psychologists and improve my practice accordingly. That is my goal in life. I want to stick out in people's minds as the one who's different; the one that tries to really understand people instead of classifying them under some text-book category. Instead of saying "Oh, you're depressed? Well, here's a perscription for Prozak for you!", I want to help people realize why they're depressed. I also want to establish to people that I don't presume know them, even remotely. I simply want to be a guide. My job will be to offer questions, not answers.

Well, I suppose I should end my break and get back to work. Bai Bai!



2007 September 16, 8 p.m.
I hate money. If there's anything in the world that makes me depressed, that's it. I hate being late on payments, I hate owing money, I hate when other people owe me money, and I hate being the only one who's responsible enough to handle money (and not being the one who's handling it).

Life sucks sometimes



2007 September 5, 10 a.m.
Hey there, peeps! It's just about time for my first class to start, yay!I can't believe I'm actually sitting here, at the university, about to go to class. There are thousands of people walking around, chilling out, and going to class. Being from a small town, it's such a shock to see so many people, especially so many different kinds of people, hehe. I love it!

It was so weird the other night. I went out with "some people" (due to the content of this paragraph, I'm not telling you who they were! haha) over to "somebody's place". It was really fun - we stayed up all night talking about pretty much everything from niceties to religion and politics. The weird part is that of the 5 of us, everyone except for me was doing lines of cocaine. The really weird part is that it wasn't scary or freaky or even remotely like it's displayed by school presentations. The situation itself was completely normal! Don't freak out or anything - it's not like I would ever do cocaine, and I know that it's still bad for a person's health and it is EXTREMELY addictive. I've just learned that a person should never be judged by the kinds of drugs he/she does. Life becomes crazier and crazier the older I get. I remember when I was little and the idea of drugs had never even entered my world. When I got a little older and started learning about it, Everything I heard made it seem like all drugs could make a person grungy, disgusting, living on the streets, and generally fucked for life. Weed was the "gateway drug", and there was no happy medium. Drugs = Death. I got older still, and I realized that marijuana isn't nearly as bad as it's made out to be. If a person smokes weed, that doesn't mean the person will do harder drugs. I know plenty of people that only smoke weed and would never touch anything else. I know of quite a few people that consider marijuana less dangerous than alcohol (which I tend to agree with), and never/hardly ever drink. The reason why weed is considered a gateway drug is that the kinds of people who would do harder drugs start with weed. I got older yet, and realized that a person could be a well-functioning part of society who pays his/her taxes, has a family and a good job, all while still using drugs (even some of the harder drugs). Isn't that crazy? I still wouldn't do drugs though. In my realization, I've also found that people react to a lot of drugs the same way I react to coffee. Caffeine is considerably cheaper, so I'll just stick with that, haha. That, and I know myself too well.

I rode the bus by myself today! I think it's kinda cool that the university gives a bus pass to students for way cheaper than the regular price, and students can't opt out of getting the bus pass unless they have a special reason. It's going to cut down on a lot of emissions, especially since students can use the bus pass to go anywhere in the city. Why pay for parking? Why pay for gas to drive around in the city when you can ride the bus? Yeah, it can be inconvenient, but it's good for the environment :) yay!

Well, I should probably take off. Itakimasu!



2007 August 28, 10 p.m.
Wooo...full time...I can't wait till school starts, lol. Working at Tim Horton's is okay, but I can't wait until I switch back to part time. this full time business is starting to grate on me, lol. Oh well, at least I'm making money. Not that I'll be able to keep that money, especially after buying all those textbooks *cries* and rent is coming up. Blech. I miss Wadena, but at the same time I don't. I miss the way things were but I don't want to go back to the way things were, if that makes any sense. Ahhh I can't wait till University starts! It's going to be so awesome! I'll be able to see my friends again! And I'll be able to make new friends! FEMININITY! (living with three guys is great, but I need to hang out with other XX-Chromosome containing human beings). Orientation is coming up in less that a week, OMG!

[complete subject change]

I've decided that I'm a very judgmental person. Or, perhaps a better word would be analytical. I catch myself analyzing people around me a lot - one of my roommates in particular. Haha, I guess you could say he's an interesting case. He does a lot of things that I really don't like, and I start labelling him as The Kind Of Person I Don't Like, as if a person could actually put people into groups like that. The Kind Of Person I Don't Like will only do something 'good' if it serves some sort of 'purpose'. For example, he does the dishes for the sake of being able to say that he did the dishes, not because the dishes are dirty. If he lends a person money, he expects every cent of it back, yet he's lax about returning the money that he owes. He bitches about other people not paying the bills while he owes more than everyone else does. He over-reacts to very small things. For example, say this person had a television that he set up in the living room, and he was watching a movie on his laptop. Someone comes in and starts playing video games while The Kind Of Person I Don't Like is in the middle of watching his movie. Instead of carrying his lightweight laptop up to his room, he gets really mad, and carries his huge, heavy picture-tube television up to his room, saying people are "abusing his television." The Kind Of Person I Don't Like insults everybody, including his friends, family, and girlfriend, as if it's all a huge joke, yet gets offended if someone insults him. He finds humour in really bad humour (by that, I mean he purposely makes really bad jokes or really bad come-backs for the sake of being funny), and he does it all the time. The Kind Of Person I Don't Like changes the subject whenever someone starts talking about something intellectual or serious or even remotely interesting. He is blatantly racist, and constantly makes racial comments in public places. He is also makes very rude comments about people who are "challenged" (to be politically correct), often times within their earshot. The Kind Of Person I Don't Like will lie about using other people's groceries or equipment. The Kind Of Person I Don't Like will damage another car in the parking lot, and drive off when he decides that his own car is fine. I'm sure I could come up with more characteristics of The Kind Of Person I Don't Like, but I want to actually sleep tonight, lol. After all this characterizing, I start to theorize about this person. According to my theory, this person's friends will probably get fed up with him, they will cease to hang around him, and he will eventually end up alone. At this point, I start to feel a little sorry for him, but that's the extent of it. Does it make me a terrible person if I pick out all of this person's flaws, display them to people who may or may not know him, and judge him accordingly as "The Kind Of Person I Don't Like"? Aren't I just promoting the very thing that's wrong with society? Or is it just basic human nature? And what should I do about it? Should I organize some sort of 'intervention'? Should I just ignore it? After all, come 7 months from now, I'll probably never see him again. Sure, I still have to live with him for another 7 months, but that's it. The problem is, however, that now I'm starting to realize these qualities in other people, such as those with whom I work. Eventually, I'll turn on myself and start hating myself for all the things I don't like. I could be over-analyzing, though.

Gahh, oh well. I need sleep...I have to get up and be at work by 7:30am... haha, I get to sleep in for half an hour tomorrow! (when did sleeping in till 7am become a luxury?) Oyasuminasai!



2007 August 9, 6 p.m.
Omg! Cypress Hills was awesome! It was EXACTLY what I needed. About every year or so, I get really cranky and depressed...but when I go on a holiday I feel a lot better. It was a 5 hour drive there, but with Kevin with me, it didn't seem very long. After we got there, we all just RELAXED! I was so happy to see my friends again *cries happily*. We spent the whole weekend just sitting around, drinking alcoholic beverages, and planning absolutely nothing. We went out to the look out points, which happen to be the highest points in Saskatchewan. It was sooo beautiful ^.^ I'll be sure to post up some pictures. It would actually be nice to live in that part of Saskatchewan. It's not flat!! It's almost interesting to drive through southern Saskatchewan ^_^ Oh! and while we were at the cabin, there were deer that came right into the yard of another cabin...it was so cool. I loved how the cabins were built so that as few trees as possible had to be cut down. I'm thinking that maybe the reason why I had been depressed before the trip was because I hadn't felt connected to nature at all. The city kinda sucks nature wise. Yeah, there are lots of trees, and if you go into the park you can see the stars, but it's still noisy, and there's no wildlife or anything. Meh, oh well. I'll just have to get out of the city more often.

I quit at Ardene ^^; I was getting tired of looking for free parking, and tired of walking 12 blocks just for the sake of free parking. And, they still haven't changed the CD at work, lol. Oh well. On my two-weeks-notice period thingy, I was working with another new girl, who happened to be a key-holder. She was late the two times that I had to work with her, and both times she took so many breaks and they were all obscenely long. I felt like I was working by myself, lol. There are times when I don't feel like I'm good at my job, but it's times like this that make me realize that I probably am a good employee - in the respect that I actually stick around and do my job, lol.

Speaking of quitting, I got a job at Tim Horton's! It doesn't sound very exciting I suppose, but I like it a lot better than Ardene. It pays better, and I actually feel like I'm working for my money instead of trying to look busy, lol. I'm not saying that there was no work involved at Ardene, it's just that it wasn't very challenging. It's a lot of work though, at Tim's. It gets really really busy, and there are so many things that have to be done. I like it though ^_^. Today was pretty crazy though. I had to work at 7am, but I ended up sleeping in till 9am! Oi, and then of course, I was completely scatterbrained after getting to work, just because I was so nervous about being late. No one said anything - probably because they didn't notice that I was late (everyone has other things to be busy with). Ugh. Oh well...maybe they'll be understanding about people sleeping in. It's not like it happens that often - I'm usually at least 15 minutes early. I think it happened because I was so worried about sleeping in - life made it happen to show me that a)shit happens; and b)it's not that big of a deal. That doesn't mean I'm going to be late often - it just means that being 2 hours late isn't the end of the world.

My day wasn't all bad though. One of my friends from Rose Valley is living in the city! That means I have someone to hang out with that happens to be my age! *cries happily* I'm so happy that I won't have to hang out by myself all the time until school starts, lol. It's funny though, when new people ask me about school, they often mean high school, thinking that I look too young to be in university, lol. That's okay, though, because that means I'll still look young when I'm older, and it'll be more of a compliment then. eeee I'm so excited though, I can't wait to call my friend ^_^ That just makes my entire day (and considering how crappy my day started out, that's pretty darn good).

Well, I'm off! I'm gonna put up some pictures, and do some more updating on the site. Ja ne!



2007, July 25, 2 a.m.
Weeee...caffeine! The hardest drug I've ever done, haha. So yeah, here I am in good ol' Saskatoon! I've been here for about two weeks, I just haven't gotten around to updating. I'm all settled in, I have a job at Ardene, and I've already felt like torturing my roommates! I officially live here, lol. It's pretty lonely though, since none of my friends live here yet, and I haven't really met new people (that are around my age and have similar interests as me). See, I've met a few people, but they're friends of my bf and roommates. They're all cool, of course, but I don't really feel like I fit in too well. Oh well. Going to Cypress this weekend! Omg but I'm going crazy at work...just because of the music, lol. It's the weird hip hop music that kids listen to these days. I'll admit that I listen to some hip hop, but not usually just for the sake of listening to it. I listen to it when I feel like dancing or something, or if I need something to listen to while cleaning. I really hate the kind of music that has lyrics consisting entirely of "I'm a gangsta", "I'm a whore", "I'm bossy", "I want to go down on you whenever I see you", "I got 99 problems" (f**k do I hate that song) etc. Like really...who honestly writes these lyrics? And who honestly looks up to these people? And what would drive someone to listen to the same cd consisting of this crap over and over again? Without any sort of musical instruments, this "music" is so simple that it gets overplayed REALLY fast. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to get into my car and hear music with guitar! Don't get me wrong - I don't hate music that is made electronically. I do like SOME hip hop, and I like techno music - just not a whole lot, back to back, over several hours. Oh well...it's better than Country I guess (no offense to the country fans out there, I just really don't like most country music. I like the Dixie Chicks, and some of Dolly Parton's songs).

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that I went to the White Stripes concert on July 1st! It was pretty cool, actually ^_^ I think I appreciate them more as a band than I did before. I thought it was kinda strange though how they still referred to each other as brother and sister. But who knows? Maybe they leaked the fake story about them being married and divorced just for sheer entertainment, and they really are siblings. Meh, I dunno. I'll just settle with the fact that they are either siblings, or they aren't and they were actually previously married. Yay, I love sitting on the fence :)

Since I've moved in here, I think I've become a lot more negative and sadistic lately. I'm living with three guys, two of whom do not understand the meaning of cleanliness. Okay, sure, it's understandable, but it bothers me sometimes. We have a really tiny kitchen, so even when there's a small pile of dishes, there's no counter space and I start to feel claustrophobic. Since my room mates aren't really bothered by this fact, it doesn't necessarily occur to them to do the dishes all that often. I don't care about that - that's how I used to be when I lived alone. Now that I live with other people, I realize just how unfair it is to other people to use up all the dishes and then leave them. But hey! I don't mind doing the dishes, even if they're someone else's. The problem that I do have is that one of my room mates said that he would clean up his mess one night, and since I know how embarrassing it is to have someone else clean up my messes even though I say that I'll clean it, I left it for him to do. He didn't clean it up though. I finally just did the dishes after a couple days (they were starting to smell bad, and there was NO space whatsoever). What pissed me off even more was that he told one of my other room mates not to lie to him, and yet he lied himself. THEN, when he came home and saw me doing the dishes that he said he would do, he sat down and went on his laptop. THAT is the thing that I hate. I don't mind doing the dishes. I just hate when people say that they will do them and then don't. It kinda scared me, though, because I was dreaming up all these horrible, nasty things I could do, such as leaving post-it notes with obscenities all over his room, completely snapping and breaking a bunch of dishes, and basically becoming an evil bitch-monster-of-death. I don't like that though...I really don't want to become a mean person. So, I've decided that instead of being overly confrontational and twistedly sadistic, I'm going to try to be nice and see if that has any effect.

Well I have to work in the morning, so I'm gonna go to sleep. Ja ne!



2007, July 8, 6 p.m.
Today we're doing a garage sale! What a bright idea, eh? Hehe, I think we sold enough stuff to pay for our dinner today...and that's about it. Guess I'm gonna have to cart all my stuff to Value Village or something. Oh well, it was nice sitting outside today. The weather is really good... it's sunny but it's also cool, which is a nice change from the hot weather we've been having lately. OMG! I can't believe I'm actually moving tonight! This will be my second last trip...I'll have to come back for my bed later this week, but officially I'll be living in Saskatoon by tonight! I'm gonna miss everyone so much...although it will be nice to get away from Wadena.

Tonight Beth and I are going up to Stephen's for supper, and then I have to go and say goodbye to Beth's little sister. After that I just have to pack up my food, cooking supplies, and a few other things, and then I'll be off to Saskatoon. Since Kevin works today, I think I'll probably just rearrange things and get myself settled in. Well, I suppose I should go...Ja Ne!



2007, July 7, 2 a.m.
Ahh!! Yesterday was my last day of work! It was so sweet...my boss got the other workers to stop by at the end of the day, and they gave me a cake and hugs ^.^ I'm gonna miss them all so much! But yay! Crystal said that she'd come and visit me...I'm so happy ^_^ I still have to go through all my stuff and see what I'm gonna take with me, what I'm gonna sell, and what I'm gonna leave. Garage sale is...technically tomorrow! Party is... tonight! Oi, I've been procrastinating way too much.

Totally random, but I bought a whole bunch of socks today, haha. I love socks! Socks are the coolest things ever! I have to go underwear shopping too... just to totally freak you all out, haha. Speaking of underwear, yesterday this guy was trying to buy underwear at the store...lately he's been trying to buy the kids underwear, and just yesterday Colleen told him that he couldn't buy any more underwear. He started freaking out and calling her bad names and stuff, so she called the cops on him. It's weird living in a small town...though it'll probably be worse living in the city, lol. I don't know if it's better or worse to know the people you're dealing with (in a small town, everybody knows everybody). A lot of times, I think I'm getting way too much information about people I barely know, just because I live in a small town. Meh, oh well.

I don't know if I should stay up tonight, or get up early to go through stuff. I'm really tired, but I'm also really hungry. Hmmm...

Well, itakimasu! Ja ne!



2007, July 5, 3 a.m.
I'm really tired. A spider has built its web on my lamp...and I'm afraid to touch it. Grad was awesome...I'll relay the details later. Like the new look of the site? I drew the picture for the layout on my laptop (it's a tablet, in case you're thinking that I have amazing touch-pad drawing skills...haha). I've also registered for classes at the U of S. I can't believe it! I'm actually going to be going to university! I'm no longer a high school student anymore! YAY!

BTW, I'm not actually done updating...it's just that it's 3 in the morning and I really want to go to sleep. I might update later this week..or else it will have to wait until after I've moved! Aah! I'm moving! weeee!

Okay, I'm going to bed now. Oyasuminasai!