2010, August 29, 12:30A.M.So here we are, in Halifax. It took us six days of travelling by car, but we made it. We left our hometown in Saskatchewan the day after M.K. and J. now K.'s wedding. The night of the wedding was when we said our goodbyes to people, since most of the people we knew were there. Actually, it was kinda nice that our wedding, A.U. and I.U.'s wedding, and M.K. and J.K.'s wedding were close together; we got to see most of the people we didn't get to see very often, all before we left. It was really sad though, on the last night before we left. I'm really going to miss everyone from S'toon and my home town. Our travels started out Sunday, and for a couple days, it was fairly uneventful. We drove from Wadena to Kenora on Sunday; Kenora to Sault Ste Marie on Monday, from Sault Ste Marie to Ottawa on Tuesday. Wednesday is the day were things got interesting, and a little stressful. We got up bright and early - 6am Ontario time, went for a swim in the pool of the new Holiday Inn Exress. We enjoyed a full continental breakfast, and set out to continue our adventure around 9:30am. So far, so good. However, things got a little hectic when, through my awesome map reading and directing skills, I accidentally got Kev to take the road into Quebec city instead of bypassing it like we wanted to. We turned into the Chemin Saint Foy area of Quebec city, trying to turn ourselves around and go back to the highway. However, when we slowed down, we noticed that the engine was sounding kinda rough. We pulled over in a parking lot beside a Tai food restaurant, and popped the hood to see what was up. Kev checked the oil, and lo and behold, the engine was completely out of oil. So, that sound we heard was that of the engine about to seize. Kev called his dad (an auto mechanic) to see what he had to say, and he said that we were basically boned. FUCK.
There we were; lost in Quebec city, thousands of kilometers from home, with a nearly seized engine and not enough money to fix it. I tried calling the Hyundai dealdership to find out what exactly we could do - if maybe it was their fault somehow (we just got the oil changed before we left) - ANYTHING that would help. They gave me the number of a Hyundai dealership in Quebeck, but when we called, they said they wouldn't be able to do anything until AT LEAST Friday. We then got Kev's sister to give us a list of tow trucks in the city. After calling three numbers, we finally found someone who spoke a little bit of english. Unfortunately, it wasn't a tow truck company, it was a garage. However, the guy said that he could call a tow truck for us and take the car to his garage. Once that was sorted out, we rearranged our stuff so that we could live out of one suitcase, put the cat in her carrier, and set out to find a hotel. We called several taxi companies before we found one that spoke english, and then went to three different hotels before we found one that accepted pets. We finally made it to the super 8 motel (which was a lot more expensive than i would have liked, but oh well). We got some liquor and some food from the gas station on the corner (they have booze in gas stations in quebec!), then headed back to the hotel to plan out what we were going to do. We rounded up a list of numbers for places to rent in Halifax, and priced out the differences between renting a car or taking a train. The next morning, I called around to set up appointments to view apartments. I called VIA rail to book a couple train tickets. After that, we packed up our stuff and the cat, and took a cab to get our stuff from the car and take it to the train station. However, when we got to the mechanic's, he said that our type of car was nutorious for making the noise that it did, and that it would be an easy fix. He changed the oil and the filter, put some fuel additive in the car, and a mere $130 later we were driving our car out of quebec city. I cancelled the train tickets and we were good and clear. We drove to Muncton and stayed there for the night, and the next morning, six days later, we FINALLY arrived in Halifax!
Now, we're just in the process of acquiring an apartment. I think we may have something lined up. We put down a deposit, and the guy said we were 99.9% guaranteed approval, he just had to show that he made a phone call to our previous landlords, make sure we paid our rent, didn't wreck up the place, etc. The only thing that I'm worried about is that Progressive will blame the mould problems and the hole above the shower (both of which we told them about MONTHS ago), and the crack in one of the windows (which happened during the week we went to Banff, and was probably caused by the shifting of the building) and thus give us a bad reference. I'm not nearly as stressed out as I was in Quebec, but I'm still a little worried. I really REALLY hope that we get the place. I want to feel like we actually HAVE a home to go to. You know that feeling you get when you're stressed out - that you want to just "go home" - well, that feeling becomes really unsettling when you don't have anywhere to go home to. Oh well. It'll all work itself out eventually. I suppose another good thing is that the person who we'll be renting from also owns a couple of motels, and he said he'd give us a deal on a room for a few days until we can move in. Considering we're paying a little over $110 for the hotel we're staying in right now, and that he's offering $79 a night, we'll be able to save close to $100 over the next few days. SWEET!
The next step will be for us to find jobs. Sad to say, but the first place I'm going to apply is Tim Horton's. I want to know that I can make some money and be secure again. We've spent most of the money we had saved up on the move out here and on the new (old) car, and we'll be spending more on hooking up utilities, paying for rent, damage deposit, food, and all that. Plus, I have a maxed out credit to pay off asap...so yeah, I want a job as soon as possible, and Timmy's is probably the easiest I'll be able to find at the moment. I might even get a second job for a few months so we can get caught up and save up for the trip to Vegas in November. Ugh...I hate worrying about money. Oh well, I guess it could be worse. Had I not gotten us lost in Quebec city, we might not have noticed that the car had run out of oil, and driven the car until the engine really did seize. We could have spent a bunch of money before we left, when we were planning on getting a hitch for the car (we actually got a moving company to haul or stuff out, since hauling 2000 lbs worth of stuff in the tiburon may be possible, but after 4300 km we'd probably burn out the clutch. Anyway, all our stuff, even after giving away a bunch we didn't need, weighed 3400 lbs. So, getting our stuff hauled cost $5300 instead of an estimated $2000. Had we anticipated on $2000 in cost, and spent a bunch of money on other things while still in S'toon, we'd be really screwed). All in all, we're pretty lucky, and even though living out of a hotel for now is a little worrying, things could be a lot worse.
So that's it! Our grand adventure out east. I'll do my best to post some pictures soon ^_^ Ja ne!
2010, August 11, 2:00PMOkay, so I guess it kinda just hit me a couple days ago that we really haven't planned anything in the way of moving. I mean, that was sort of the plan (lol) that we go on this grand adventure without planning anything too specific so that we have the freedom to do what we want. Well, now that I'm unemployed, and soon to be homeless (since we already gave our notice to move out), this whole not-having-a-plan thing is starting to make me anxious. I've spent the last couple days emailing people about renting houses in Nova Scotia, and so far we've only received 2 "maybe" replies. We're waiting for the one place to check out all our references, and the other, well, I'm waiting to see if it will be rented out by the time we get there. I looked into the price of renting a moving truck to get us out there, and it would have cost OVER $4000 JUST for the truck and gas. OMFG. So, I logically reasoned that it would be CHEAPER to buy a car that we can keep after the whole trip, and just attach a trailer hitch. So, looking on kijiji for a new car, we found a 1998 Hyundai Tiburon for $2800 (and a beetle for $5000, which we were leaning towards, but it wouldn't have been able to tow anything). The Tiburon can tow things, but when we called around the city to find a place that would carry trailer hitches for it, no place in the city had it. We then proceeded to search online, and sure enough, a supplier on ebay had them. We're just waiting for Kev's dad to call back, just in case there is a closer, slightly more convenient option, before we buy the hitch online.
I'm just worried that after all this, we'll end up living in a place that is just like S'toon, but we won't know anyone and we'll be stuck out there working dead-end jobs with not enough money to even come back. Well, whatever happens, it will be an experience; it will be something we can talk about years later, even if it fails. [breathes] Whatever happens, it will be okay.
Oh yeah, Animethon. I guess I could tell you about how that went. It was pretty good. When I was actually selling art, it was fun. When I wasn't selling art, I felt dejected, lol, but that was just on the first day, so that's okay. I was surprised that most people wanted commission drawings on the spot, and weren't interested in prints. As well, of the actual artwork that I had, most people prefered the paintings to the drawings (understandable - paintings are more rare than drawings at an anime convention). All in all, I made $75, which was pretty cool. I probably could have made more if I could draw faster, lol. As far as the convention itself, well, it was kinda boring, lol. It was cool seeing a lot of different people in costumes, but I wasn't really interested in much that was there. The vendors were fairly expensive, and anything I would want to buy I could make myself; except for manga, but I want to read the ones I have before I buy anymore (that'll take a long time - I have 16 volumes of X and they're all in Japanese....so I have to learn to read Japanese first..HAHA). It was cool that the voice actors from certain shows were also there, but I watch all my anime in Japanese so I wouldn't know who the english voice actors were, lol. Beyond that, I just didn't have time to go check out any of the panels and stuff. I'm sure it would have been a lot more interesting if we went to the convention just to go there and not to "work" there as part of the artist alley, but I still had a good time. I found it really interesting that, although you would think that most people there are dressing up to become fictional characters, there were actually people there that felt more at ease to be themselves. For example, a person who is a woman trapped in a man's body could dress up as a woman and no one would think twice about it. It would be more socially acceptable for that perosn to be themselves at an anime convention than at any other function.
All in all, it was an experience. If I'm going to an anime convention in the future, however, I won't be in the artist alley if I'm going with other people - I'd rather actually experience the anime convention itself. If I were going by myself though, I'd probably have more fun in the artist alley.
Well, that's it for now. I'm going to go agonize about impending homelessness for a bit, lol. Ja ne!
2010, August 5, 5PMSoooo I'm kind of irritated with people in general, lately. Not because of any personal offense, but because of an offense to people who are close to me. I'm generally the type of person that will try to rationalize other people's behaviour, and to try to come up with external reasons for other people's behaviour than by simply saying something like "oh, that person must be an asshole". Well, I can only do that for so long. I can only say things like, "well, everyone probably thought that someone else would plan it, and therefore no one bothered to take the initiative themselves to plan it". "Your friends just aren't the type of people to think about those kind of things, so it probably just didn't cross their mind to plan anything." "Perhaps, even though this person talked about doing something before, he thought that it wasn't his responsibility to do it." or "Well, it's true that you had talked to him a few months ago about putting something together, but he *was* inebriated at the time, so he probably didn't remember". But it gets to a certain point where all of these excuses suddenly don't cut it anymore. That, of course, is the point at which you realize that these same people WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY to plan something epic and amazing for other people, but somehow FORGOT when it came to planning something for -at least I would have thought- someone that they considered a friend. I wonder if anyone would have even considered it if I hadn't remended certain people about it. Even then, it turned out that it was going to be late -okay fine, better late than never- but then these certain people that are late with their planning, just happened to decide to have this event coinciding with something that I and the person-being-planned-for have had planned for SEVERAL MONTHS. Not only that, but they suggested he forego this plan that has been in motion for several months for some event haphazardly thrown together just a few days before. I won't lie, that pissed me off. But when asked my opinion, I said I was fine either way (to some degree that's true - an Anime Convention has the potential to be really awesome or really boring, depending on what we do there, while a night of guaranteed drunk-till-you're-puking-your-guts-out-ness and a goal to humiliate the one the night is for...also has the potential to be fun or suck. That pending, it was entirely his decision which he would choose). What DOES piss me off though is the fact that these people, who conveniently forgot to plan anything before hand, who couldn't be organized enough to plan something until after (and only after my suggestion), had the gall to override an event that was PROPERLY planned for.
Looking back, it really irritates me even further that the reason why things didn't pan out well was because people tried to plan things when they were inebriated. I'm so SICK of that being an excuse for things. "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't remember; I was drunk when you told me." WELL, then, WHEN THE FUCK do you suggest I actually try to ask you something, then? Am I to try to stalk you throughout the day to determine whether or not you've hit the bottle yet? Should I leave thousands of messages reminding you of the things that you've agreed to do? WHATEVER. I'm sure that there are many reasons on both ends to rationalize how things turned out the way they did, but honestly, in this particular circumstance, you FAIL.
As a disclaimer, I'm taking out my rage on the general, non-personalized "you", not anyone in particular
Now that that's off my chest...OMG!! Animethon is TOMORROW! I haven't finished my costume, but I don't really feel like it's necessary. I'll probably take my wings off after a little while anyway because they'll be uncomfortable, and I'll have to take my gloves off to draw, so I won't bother finishing them in the first place. I'm not participating in any costume contests either, so THERE. I'm so freaking sick of sewing, anyway, lol. Oh yeah, I have a bunch of art to upload to the site. I have most of it up on deviantart because I crave attention and recognition, lol, so if you want to see it you can go to http://sadisticshiver.deviantart.com. I spent a bunch of time today printing off prints to sell, too. I didn't print off very many, since I don't actually expect to sell that much, lol. But I found a pack of glossy photo paper that I bought years ago and never had a use for until now, so I used up the pack of paper (20 small sheets). I'm bringing my tiny camera printer too so I have the option to print more there, right on the spot (although I'll have to search for an outlet). I hope I actually sell something though...it would make me feel special :)
Anyway, I have to go. Ja ne!
2010, July 28, 3:30AMWell, it's official! I'm now a married woman ^_^ The wedding went really well. I was worried that it would be one huge embarrassment or something, but it was okay. Everyone seemed to have a good time, I had a good time, Kevin had a good time, so it's all good. The weather ended up being absolutely perfect, considering that for the past few weeks it's rained at least once a day. There was rain the day before and the day after, but the actual day of our wedding was clear. It was pretty scary on the way back to Saskatoon though, because as we were driving, there were funnel clouds starting to form over us. I have a bit of a tornado phobia, so I was trying really hard to ignore the clouds and keep driving. It hailed too, and it was enough to dent up the top of the car. I was pretty happy though. The dresses that Zephyr and I made turned out really well. Everyone complimented them and said how pretty we all were in our dresses.
I'm glad that it's finally done with though. It was a really awesome weekend, but it's nice to finally be done waiting. Two years is a long time to be anticipating a wedding, lol.
The songs that we danced to for the first dance were "Stay or Leave" and "Stolen Away on 55th and 3rd", both by Dave Matthews. We picked those songs because they represent a lot about our relationship. It's funny that the second song, I always misremember the name as being "stolen away on 33rd"...considering 33rd was where Kevin lived just before we got back together :)
I'm so excited to quit at Tim Horton's, lol. I can't wait to be unemployed! It'll be so much fun! And I won't be completely screwed for money, since I have a couple painting commissions lined up :D I'm excited to sell more of my paintings. I almost feel like a real artist, HAHA. Oh! speaking of which, I need to upload a lot of new art!
Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to go to sleep. Oyasuminasai!
2010, July 9, 12PMI've rediscovered live-action japanese drama, and I've been watching A LOT of tv over the last couple weeks. Whenever I watch it, I usually have a goofy grin on my face...I love it so much! Especially Kima wa Petto. It's the best series ever...it made me so happy to watch it because the character's were so cute! AND it had a happy ending. I like happy endings. When I was in high school, I used to love the melodrama, used to love the types of shows and movies that would make you bawl your eyes out because they were so sad. Now though...I don't like watching them as much. Not that they're any less good, I just don't want to be reminded of how easy it would be to lose the things that I love. In high school I felt like I couldn't really live if I never experienced pain or sadness. For some reason, I felt like I NEEDED to experience sad things in order to be able to connect with other people, understand other people, or to even consider myself as an artist. Kinda makes me want to travel back in time and scream at myself GET OVER YOURSELF!!, but what can you do. Nowadays, I'm all too aware that life can go awry, that things can change and make your life very sad. I want happy endings to reassure myself that things can work out alright too. Besides, crying gives me a headache, and I don't want to have a headache after watching a good series, lol.
An update on the wedding stuff so far: mostly everything is done; there's just a few little things to take care of. We've pretty much finished all of the dresses, and I even made ties for the groomsmen too! Now that everything is starting to come together, I'm actually pretty excited about this wedding.
On a completely other note, I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "truth", and what it means to tell the truth. The thing about it is that there are some things that people say that aren't necessarily true or not true, but rather, people say them because they have a certain goal. I say "have a nice day" not because I'm wishing you a nice day, but because this is my way of telling you that you can leave now. When you say "hey, let's go for coffee", it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to drink coffee. You might drink tea instead, but you still say "let's go for coffee".
That's all I'm going to write about for now. Ja ne!
2010, June 24, 2AMJust some heavy stuff to get off my mind (so I can bloody sleep, lol - although, my insomnia is probably due to that cup of coffee I had just before leaving work at 11pm, lol.)
My first topic of the night is that surrounding the concept of pedophilia, molestation, etc. I'm going to provide a FICTIONAL story to help illustrate my point. It's about a broken candlestick, and how it got broken. An older brother was bugging his little brother about this story - about how when they were younger, the older brother threatened the younger one to stop acting up or he would shove a candle up the younger brother's ass. Well, when the younger brother continued to be a pest, the older brother held true to his word and actually shoved the candle up his ass. If you shove a foreign object into someone's anus, does that not count as molestation? Of course you're saying "oh no no no, you see, it's obvious that the older brother was just fooling around. He was just doing what older brothers do - torment their younger brother when he's being annoying. There was no sexual intention, no one got off throughout the event, so it is different from molestation." Okay, so no sexual intention. But then I start to think of other sitatuations, such as a person in jail being raped. Most of the time, the person who is doing the sexual assault isn't doing it for the sex, but for dominance. To assert control. To put another person in their place. To humiliate them. But when I think about it like that, the intention seems similar to the original situation - the older brother is trying to put the younger brother in his place. To punish. To humiliate. So then...by all intent and purpose, does that not mean that the older brother...raped...his younger brother?
Of course, of course, I say all that to be over dramatic. "Rape" is such a strong word, and illicits a lot of anger when spoken in accusation. Most people would see the situation illustrated as brothers being brothers, and candles shoved up one's ass in those circumstances are not related in the slightest to the concept of rape or molestation. I wonder how the little brother feels about it though. How would he tell this story to a friend or significant other when he got older?
On the same note, it is interesting, and frightening, how much yaoi/shounen-ai anime portrays the "couple" as an adult man (in his 20's, I would say) trying to seduce a young boy (like, around 12, in many cases), while the young boy protests to the sexual advances of the adult. An adult seducing a young adolescent... is that not pedophilia? [actually no - not unless the child is pre-pubescent, but it's still frowned upon, and illegal] And of course, in these shows, it is always a steaming hot adult male and a kawaii bishounen. Are they trying to associate "pedophilia" with "sexy"? If people who watched this type of shounen-ai religiously were to hear about a young boy being molested by an adult male, would they respond with "oooo that's hot"? It goes even farther than that with shows like "Papa to Hold in the Dark", which is EXACTLY about what the title suggests - a romantic relationship between a father and son. WHAT THE FUCK?! and of course, the young boy in these relationships protests, but wants the relationship as well, and wants to be with this older person.
There are two points that I can make on that. Or rather, questions one might ask. The first, why? Are women really turned on by the concept of a pedophile relationship between an adult male and young boy? Are women getting back at male sexists by portraying a male being sexually taken advantage of? Or, is it trying to show the - dare I say - romantic side of such a pedophilic relationship? By that I mean that perhaps, in a real life setting, such a relationship would be just as confusing, and the people involved (or perhaps just the adult involved) don't really see age difference but are convinced that it is a relationship of love?
I throw around a lot of really strong words, like rape, molestation, and pedophilia, all of which carry a lot of weight. Society has associated such negativity with these words and anything related to them. I guess the second point that I wanted to make was that circumstances have a lot to do with how something is perceived. What do I mean by that... Okay, take the example of a relationship between a twenty something adult and a twelve year old boy. The boy in this relationship might truly believe that there's nothing wrong with the relationship; might actually love this older adult. Does he perceive it as molestation? When the child grows older, and learns about how society describes, defines, and views molestation, does his memory of the event change; become bitter and jaded? Does a person's perception of a memory change after it's been labeled? Is it worse for the victim if people react to such words as rape, molestation, and pedophilia with such horror and revolt?
What's more, there are some culture's where it is not only acceptable for an adult to have sexual relationships with young adolescents, it is encouraged. In these cases, I think it is basically to teach younger people about sex before they get married....I think that's what I had heard about it anyway. My point is, the whole concept of sexual relationships between adults and young adolescents is a very cloudy subject. It's not something that is necessarily set down as RIGHT or WRONG, but is more a matter of perception (keep in mind, throughout this entry I'm talking about the types of ..um...relationships where there is no maliscious intent, and the children involved have hit puberty, if not just barely. I guess in that sense I'm not talking about pedophilia as it is defined by the DSM-IV-TR, where the child has to be PRE-pubescent). Is this anime about pedophilia, or just a misunderstood, misrepresented love relationship? Did he shove a candle up his brother's ass because he's a jerk or a child molester?
Some heavy stuff to talk about...
2010, June 3, 10:30PMSoooo I feel pretty proud of myself. I managed to pull off a successful surprise birthday adventure for Kev, and I finished sewing my wedding dress!
Kev's birthday was pretty sweet. I began planning it a few weeks before, but I accidently told everyone it would be on the day that he worked (which just happened to be his actual birthday). So, I called his work and asked his boss to let him have the day off, but not tell him he had the day off so it could be a surprise. Then I made a reservation at the new sushi place in town, and all I had to do was wait and keep it all a secret. It was hard whenever he would say dejectedly that he had to work on his birthday for the third year in a row. Once I had to turn away so he couldn't see me grinning like an idiot, LOL. Then, the night before, I left a note in the car that read "Surpise! You don't work today. Come back inside, I'm making breakfast" - I left it just in case I slept in and he went to work anyway, and didn't realize until four hours later that he didn't have to be there, lol. So, next morning, I actually woke up with him (at 7:30am or so), and just as he was leaving I told him that his birthday present was in the car. He gave me a look that was like...WTF- why would you put it in the car - and then when he actually saw it, he had a hard time believing it (he had assumed that because he's only working there temporarily that he wouldn't be able to take days off) and questioned me several times to make sure that I wasn't joking. We then proceeded to have an awesome day ^_^ we went to pick up some groceries at 8 in the morning, came back and made some breakfast, and then we went for a walk together. I got a call from the art store saying my blending marker was in, so we walked all the way from here to 2nd ave downtown (it takes about an hour and a half one way), bought ONE marker, and one tube of paint, and then walked all the way back. It was good though. We got to just hang out and talk with eachother the entire time. After that, we rested for a bit at home, then went to the new sushi place for some food. Only half of the people I invited came, but the other half were busy and stuff, so it was understandable. I had texted one of Kev's friends from back home and he was able to drive up to S'toon, so that was pretty cool. After food we went back to our apartment and hung out here. All in all, it was a good day.
Feeling the pressure of the wedding coming up, which is now less than two months away O.o, I decided to start working on the wedding dress on my own, so I could work on it whenever I had some free time instead of coordinating with other people (which is really hard to do when we're all pretty busy, lol). After many days of sewing, and trying to figure out a pattern from directions that were too vague just didn't make much sense, I managed to complete it! I'm so happy, and it actually fits perfectly! I was worried that I would have to alter it, or it would look dumb, or something like that, but it looks good. The part around the "neckline" that attaches to the sleeves is a little off - the fabric seems twisted just a tiny bit, but other than that it's good. I'm excited to see all my friends again, especially before we leave the province for a couple years. There are so many things that are going to change...changing my name, my location, my job, making new friends...I wonder how everything will be... It's kinda cool though, me and Zephyr are gonna set up a thing so we can livestream out art on the same page, and we can do art together even though we live thousands of kilometers away. We'll see how it goes, but I hope it turns out.
I'm going to play with my new markers, now, I think. Oyasuminasai!
2010, May 21, 2AMThis past week or so has been pretty good actually. Several days ago, Kevin took me on an adventure to the ice cream store, and he bought me an ice cream cone, and then we went for a walk down by the river. It was so pretty, and so refreshing to finally have some decent weather. We decided (again - we had had this conversation before LAST year, lol) that we needed to walk down by the river more often. We also decided that sometime before we leave S'toon we're going to kayak down the river too ^__^. It should be fun. Then, I finally worked up the nerve to ask one of my coworkers over for drinks, lol. I'm glad that I decided to be outgoing, for once, because it turned out really well. I had a really good time hanging out with her and her man, and it was nice to hang out with some new people. It's pretty sad that I've lived in this city for 3 years and I've made about ... 3 friends? lol. Oh well. Not only that, but for fear of making a bad impression on new people, Kev and I cleaned the whole apartment and it still looks pretty clean ^_^ YAY for motivation, lol.
My last two shifts at work have been at the other store (there's a Tim Horton's not even a block away from the one I normally work at *sigh* - and they were short staffed so I went over there to help out). It was interesting, I suppose. It's a fairly small store compared to the one I work at, and it doesn't have a drive thru so it's not nearly as busy (especially considering the one I work at is - I kid you not - the busiest Tim Horton's in CANADA), and although I know how to do everything, I still felt like a noob because everything was in a different spot, and the tills were set up completely different from the ones I'm used to. But it was nice to experience a change of scenery. AND, because the other store closes at 11 now, and I was working evening shift, I got to take home the food they were throwing away. I now have enough buns and bagels in the freezer to last a few months! It's kind of mortifying though, thinking about how much food gets thrown away simply because it was made [less than] 24 hours ago, when there are people all over the world that don't have food at all. I hate that if I make a sandwich wrong, or put the wrong sauce on it or something, I have to THROW IT AWAY and make another one. I get someone's coffee wrong? pour it down the drain. Coffee pot was brewed 25 minutes ago? Pour it down the drain! Seriously, why are we REQUIRED to be so wasteful? You talk about "standards" and offering "only the best", but there are millions of people all of the world that would KILL for what we throw away. It's even more sickening to think that we throw out so much in just ONE store - and there are thousands all over Canada. And even at that, I'm only talking about ONE franchise. What about all the other restaurants in the city, that make servings far too large for most people to finish, and end up throwing away a portion of everyone's meal that has been ordered? And then, after that, there's not just the food waste, but all of the packaging from fast food places, not just of the food when you get it, but the overpackaging of the stuff BEFORE you get it. The coffee grounds that we use come prepackaged in small foil packages - one for each pot - just imagine how many foil wrappers are thrown out in every Tim Hortons in Canada, in just a single day!
With all that in mind, I've decided that I'm going to try to alter my lifestyle so I'm not supporting such wasteful behaviour. I'm going to try and avoid fast food restaurants, if I go to a restaurant I will try to remember to bring my own tupperware container to take my extra food home in instead of having it put into styrofoam, and I will try to buy as much in bulk as I can. Of course, I've grown up in the consumerist society, and I'm used to it, so it will be really hard to change my lifestyle. I might even just give up and decide it's not worth the effort. But I've decided that I should at least try. It will become a part of my goal for the next two years. I will try to live less wastefully, and I will aspire to BE an artist, whether it's a tattoo artist, or just selling my paintings and drawings to make money. Of course, we'll have to see how that pans out.
OMFG speaking of being an artist and selling artwork, I am OFFICIALLY going to be in the Artist Alley at Animethon 17 in Edmonton! My contract has already been accepted; I just have to practice drawing people in cosplay and get back into drawing anime style - I haven't drawn in that style for so long! I also caved and decided to buy some copic markers to try out. I bought a pack of 12 for $50 on ebay - which is surprisingly a good price considering they are $80 at the art store downtown. And just the other day I bought some special paper for them too. I'm so excited to use them! hehe. My new addiction is shopping at the art store and drooling over markers and drawing supplies, lol.
Well, it's getting late so I'm going to go to bed. Oyasuminasai!
2010, April 27, 12:30AMwahaha! I'm done with finals! OMFG I'm so glad I don't have to stress out anymore. Not that I was as stressed out as I usually am...the past years I stressed out A LOT more than I did this semester. I'm pretty happy that I handed in every single one of my term papers on time this semester. I did skip one class to finish the last paper, but whatever. It was just a review class, and we had the topics for the exam questions, so I didn't really need to go anyway. And as far as I know, I've done okay on my finals. I'm just waiting for two more marks. My average will probably stay above 80%, which means I might be able to get into Honours, but as far as Clinical Psych...well, I don't know if I'll be able to get into clinical for grad studies. I heard a horror story of someone with an 85% average and really good references being rejected from Clinical grad studies. Not only that, but of the 55 applicants last year, 5 were accepted. FIVE. Sooooo we'll see. I'll try to kick ass in my fourth year, and if I can't bring my average up enough, then I'll try to get into research grad studies. Oh yeah!! So, change of plans. NOT going to Europe this summer, even though I'ved talked about it forever, lol. We decided that instead of going to another country and becoming the immigrants that are stealing other people's jobs while the economy is going bad in Europe, and then coming back from Europe and picking up exactly where we left off in terms of career building, and EXTREMELY broke, we're going to move to the east coast, maybe Halifax, and try to find some cool jobs. I'm going to TRY to become a tattoo artist, and kev's going to try to try to get his apprenticeship doing piercing. But we'll see. This is just a tentative plan, I've decided I'm not going to say anything for certain until I'm already doing it, lol. If that falls through I'll try to find work at the university helping out with research so I can have references for when I apply to grad school. I might even do both! Who knows.
Oh yeah, and I'm TOTALLY going to the animethon in Edmonton this August! I'm going to apply for the artist alley so that MAYBE I can gain some recognition as an artist, or if anything just have something to do while I'm there, lol. My idea is that I will offer to drawings of people in their costumes. One full colour picture takes me about 3 hours, so I could probably do it ^_^. I'm excited. I have my heart set on making a costume for Alexiel from Angel Sanctuary. I thik I might also go as Re-L Mayer from Ergo Proxy, and perhaps Edward from Cowboy Bebop, but I'm not sure yet. There are three days, so one costume for each day! Uwahaha. I also have to start making my wedding dress. I'm getting married in less than three months. LESS. THAN. THREE. MONTHS. omfg. *works on invitations*
Oh YEAH! lol. I got Pino back!! the lady that took her wanted to give her back because Pino kept hiding under the bed and didn't want to come out for very long, and she was scratching the lady's windowsill or something like that. WHATEVER, I was just so happy to hear that, because she emailed me right after we decided we weren't going to Europe anymore. So I said I'd take her back, and she's been home and super cuddly and omg I missed my cat so much. I feel so much happier now that I have my baby back. Marina's still with her new family, and I think she'll be happy there. She can go outside there if she wants, and she couldn't with us because we live in a city apartment. So, I guess it's for the best. But yeah, omg I'm so happy to have my Pino bak ^___^.
Following up on the whole idea of becoming a tattoo artist, I decided since that I would take my art more seriously and really work to improve my art. I've been trying to improve my colouring skills with pencil crayon, and I'm really happy with how much I've improved over just a couple months. I've FINALLY got the shading of skin tone almost down. I did a bunch of self portraits from pictures i took with my phone, and I was determined to do a self-portrait that was of better quality than the original picture (which isn't a huge leap considering phone pictures are pretty grainy). Speaking of which, I kinda feel like drawing now...
Ja ne!
2010, March 27, 7PMInteresting thing happened at work today. Okay, so, generally when people are in drive thru, tips are divied among those working in that area throughout the shift. We have these little individual tip cups that we can put our tips into. The person who was on window had them all nicely divided, but hadn't put the money into the individual tip cups yet. The people that came to take over for us (I'm actually talking about one person in particular) had taken that money and divided it instead between her and the other people that had just come onto that shift. Well, window person called on the person who took the money, saying "did you divide that money that was sitting there amongst yourselves?" and the person who did it gave this sort of facial expression that you typically see on people who do something unkind to someone they don't particularly like, or the kind of smile where someone is illegitimately reaping the benefits from someone else's lack of lack-of-trust. It pissed me off mildly, because although I'm sure this person who took the money was probably meaning specifically to slight the window person, she also slighted me in the process. I mean, I don't care THAT much, it was like a dollar or something that i was specifically denied. It's not the money, but it's the fact that she would react so non-challant about taking what was obviously not hers (especially when day shift was, well, still on shift. it's a different story if the day shift leaves and forgets to divy up the money. if everyone from one shift leaves and forgets to take their respective tip money, then its fair game. but i digress). It's not like I'm going to be all like "oh, she's a bitch" etc. etc. And it's not like I can say that "oh, she's THAT kind of person" because one act does not define a person. If anything, she was merely easing her own cognitive dissonance by laughing it off and thinking to herself that the window person deserved it. Anyway, the point of all this is that the most upsetting thing from that experience was that one has to wonder if the reason a person can understand another person's facial expressions, does that not mean that one has made those facial expressions oneself? In the sense that one has been there, done that, and has been that person - and that's why one can be perceptive of another person's malevolent facial expressions. I mean sure, I can put myself at ease and rationalize that it's also possible to learn what a facial expression means vicariously (watching other people make their facial expressions and subsequently observing the outcomes), but on some level, to some similar extent, I've probably been a bitch too, and therefore can't pretend that I'm above such childish behaviour.
So, kinda feeling like my self image has taken a dramatic beating. But I guess that serves me right for being a narcissist, and thinking that I'm somehow slightly different from everyone else. Serves me right for not entertaining the possibility that I could be THAT person. You know, the person you feel embarrassed for when they talk. The person you would feel uncomfortable hanging around in public. The person that really is that much of a bitch. Oh, and in case you were thinking that I'm just being too hard on myself by calling myself a narcissist, I'll let you in on a secret I've never actually disclosed to anyone before. I never window shop. I never look into the glass of a building to see what's inside it, because I'm usually looking at my reflection. I wonder if you'd think of me differently knowing that.
The other way you could consider me narcissistic is that I tend to think I'm something pretty fucking special when I'm hammered. As if it's like some fucking privilege just to see it. Like yeah, okay, people tell me I'm fun to hang out with when I'm drunk, and since I don't drink that often (as in, maybe once every few months, at best), maybe for some it is a rare treat. But for me to acknowledge that, and try to monopolize on it, and have the FUCKING RIGHT to feel pissed off when people leave at the peak of my drunkenness, is rediculous. Stupid. Stupidstupidstupid.
I have no logical reason to be upset. It doesn't change the fact that I am, and acknowledge the lack of reason in my emotions doesn't make them fucking go away. So there. That's all I have to say for today.
2010, March 12, 1AMI feel delirious. I suppose I've had an excessive amount of caffeine today. It seems like it doesn't make me feel as awake or energized anymore. I feel out of sync; out of balance. I must not drink so much espresso, I think.
I have a lot of homework to do, but it's hard to stay focused; to stay motivated. I watched about two thirds of the anime series Peach Girl, and then I started watching the live action version of the show (in Taiwanese). After watching that through, I started watching another drama entitled "Boys Before/Over Flowers". It was pretty good; some parts were annoying (like when the characters would scream and shout unnecessarily). I stopped at episode 8 or 9 or something though, because it took a turn that I didn't like. Honestly! Whyyyy would she get back together with Gu Jun Pyo (sp?), who was extremely inconsiderate, and throughout everything, he's still trying to win her over by throwing money and things at her. Not to mention that, but he physically forces her to go along with whatever he wants, talks disrespectfully towards her, and is just an overall arrogant prick? He's the type of person that would have no qualms about making another person suffer, and yet she gets back together with him?! Ugh! and Ji Hoo is wayy hotter than Gu Jun Pyo; more graceful, more softspoken and caring and just...*melt* Anyway, I didn't think I could follow the twists and turns, and continued falling in and out of love with both characters for another ...twenty or so hour-long episodes. Interestingly though, there were quite a few elements between Peach Girl and Boys Before Flowers that were similar. All about the love triangles. I can honestly say I'm getting a little tired of the theme, lol. I'm glad I didn't have such a dramatic high school career, although I suppoes the point of watching drama in the first place is catharsis - something you can compare your life to and be like "ah, thank god my life isn't THAT bad!"
I feel like I have no time (and yet here I am, writing in my blog, talking about how much drama I've watched lately).
Would you think of me differently if I openly admitted that I seek attention? That I like to be in the spotlight? Or would you just chalk it up to the human condition?
There was a talk today. I can't remember the name of the professor that was speaking, but he was talking about Taoism, Chinese religion, and the Jesuit movement in relation to Confucianism. It was all very interesting, but one of the things that I thought was most interesting was how he talked about how people "do dialogue". We talked about doing dialogue while discussing discourse analysis in PSY323 (Qualitative Study of Lives). Not really important, I just thought it was interesting.
I think I should go to bed. I should study, but I also work at... 6am. SHIT! I thought I worked at 7...I totally forgot! Ja ne!
2010, February 27Soooo I had a bunch of fun on eBay over the last couple weeks, lol. I decided I would spoil myself and I bought a plush Mokona hat (Mokona is the bunny-looking thing from Tsubasa Chronicles and XXXHolic). I'm so excited for it to come - I'm going to wear it EVERY DAY! wahaha! I also bought a few articles of lolita goth style clothing - I had a hard time NOT spending a few hundred dollars on clothes, lol. I managed to only spend just over $100, haha. Oh well, whatever. I'm getting just under $2000 back in tax returns (I love being a student!), so I can justify it. Let it be known, however, that going shopping with your credit card is a bad idea, lol.
I've officially decided that I really like painting with oil compared to acrylic. It seems like it takes a lot less time when I paint with oil, and it's so much easier to blend the colours. As well, my new favourite colour is Azilarian (sp?) Crimson ^_^ When I get a chance, I'll put up scans of all the paintings I've done with oil this semester.
I have a really hard time hearing what people are saying when I'm out at the bar. I get tired of asking people to repeat themselves, so I tend to just nod and smile a lot. Of course, this doesn't always go too well. One guy was trying to talk to me and R.M., and he seemed to be somewhat shy and insecure. I didn't really understand what he was saying, but apparently he said something like "you guys must think I'm really annoying", and I did the "nod and smile" thing! OOPS. Oh well, I think he was trying to pick someone up anyway. Moral of the story: don't try to have a serious conversation with someone at a loud bar - because I'm probably not the only one that will nod and smile if I don't understand you.
Speaking of the bar, though, I've actually been going out a lot on the weekends lately. Just about every weekend for the past month or so, I've gone out with my friends...which is cool, because I feel like I have a genuine social life! lol. It was funny last night though, because I went with Kev to a punk show, and since I don't really like punk music that much, and because I was also DD, I decided to take some homework to do while I was there. Kev said I committed a huge faux pas by reading a book (on The Fundamentals of Tai Chi Chuan, no less) at a punk show. Ironically, I did more homework there than I would have at home (since at home I have access to anime, haha). The music WAS alright though - I should mention that I don't HATE punk music, it's just not my favourite genre in the world, lol. Besides, I was there mostly because my friend was in one of the bands, haha.
While I was at the punk show, I noticed that when people are dancing to music at a show or a nightclub or whatever, the style of dancing tends to be very...primal in nature. For example, at your typical "club", dancing tends to take on a very sexual nature, whereas at a punk show, you see people dancing very aggressively (at this particular show people were running around, running into each other, and pushing people). It was also interesting to note that when people were "dancing aggressively", if one person shoved another, the person shoved would look at the shover and smile, do a rock out hand motion or whatever, and continue on. People displayed aggression, but when aggressed against, the acts were not perceived as hostile but rather out of...comaraderie? It was intersting nonetheless. As for me, you would never find me moshing with other people - I don't like getting hurt.
That's it for now; I have some homework to work on. Hopefully I shall update again soon ^_^
2010, February 5, 5PMOkay, I feel like shitting on people today. First off, Amazon.com SUCKS. Especially the one click buying method thing, because it doesn't tell you the ACTUAL shipping costs, and doesn't confirm the total price with you. So, I ended up spending well over twice as much as I thought I was going to on something. Okay, so I'm actually the stupid one for not checking these things, but still, the shipping costs with Amazon are FUCKING REDICULOUS.
Canadian Tire is also stupid. I called ahead to see how much the car repairs would cost, and they full out lied to me. I thought that I would be spending less money by going there, based on what they told me on the phone, and I ended up paying more than if I had gone somewhere else. I officially HATE Canadian Tire.
I've decided that I'm just going to BE addicted to coffee and not try to fight it, as trying to resist will interfere with my ability to do my homework. Now I can't function without a cup of coffee in the morning. I've become a regular at coffee places.
I freaking LOVE Mass Effect though! (just for something positive).
**[edit: Feb.27.2010. The order on amazon was actually cancelled - perhaps the person decided that having me pay three times as much as the actual item just on shipping was rediculous and decided to do me a favour, lol. Okay, so amendment: Amazon is probably okay, as long as you read all the details, lol. And the person on the phone at Canadian tire probably just made a genuine mistake, or perhaps they were talking about how much it would cost to assess whether I needed a new starter. I was just raging out when I wrote this post, lol.]
2010, January 31, 6PMHad lots of fun last night; went out to Jax with Zephyr's room mate for a good ol' night of dancing ^_^. There was one guy in particular that really pissed me off, though, in the way that he approached me to try to "pick me up" so to say. Here's basically what was said.
Mr. Douche: why do you run your hands through your hair and play with your shirt strap when you dance?
Me: *shrug* Uh..I don't know [I couldn't think of anything to say on the spot - I usually don't think about things like that. Later I came up with what would be the answer to that question - the shirt I was wearing was defective and the one strap kept slipping down my shoulder, so, in an attempt to be decent I was trying to keep it in place. As for the hair, it gets hot when you're dancing in a crowded place, and if its down it's constantly getting in your face and it gets really irritating, lol.]
Mr. Douche: I like your glasses, and the lip ring; my name is Mr Douche [I don't remember his actual name, so we'll just use a pseudonym, lol]. *extends hand to shake mine - I shake his hand because I figure it would be rude not to - and he kisses it in a creepy-leech-blood-sucking manner. I pulled my hand away and pointed at my engagement ring since I find body language is more understandable in a loud environment*
Mr. Douche: Oh, you're engaged? *looks at the ring* How much did he pay for that - twenty five cents? *scoffs* Well, you can do better.
Ok, it was at this point that I decided to just ignore Mr. Douche, since it was too loud in the bar to really ream him out. I'll do it here instead, wahaha.
Dear Mr. Douche: RE: you can do better.
Better, you say? And, are you, by chance, suggesting that you are that "better" choice, when you haven't even met my fiance? Are you saying that you are a better choice than a man that actually respects me and listens to what I have to say? Would you go out into the freezing cold just to get me ice cream? Here's what I can gather by your behaviour so far. Number one: The first thing that you point out to me is how sexy you think I dance. You've noticed my physical attributes; congratu-fucking-lations. The fact that you would even consider trying to pick me up on that basis alone, without even knowing whether or not I'm actually a psycho-bitch-monster of death, communicates that your ONLY interest is in my physical attributes. Number two: by attempting to slobberingly make out with the back of my hand, you've just overstepped personal boundaries, which means that you have no respect for boundaries. Third, by insulting my fiance even when you've never met him (and thus highly insulting me), you have just communicated that your advances are completely self-interested. You're trying to promote yourself as - what - someone to fuck with? You've obviously no respect for, or a concept of what a long-term relationship is like. You're just an inexperienced loser trying to get laid at a bar. At least you're direct in your failed subtlety, however, your first question should not been about the way I dance, but why I was there in the first place. If I had replied with "I'm just looking for some shmuck to fuck", then maybe it would have been your lucky night - after all, the only girl that would take you up on ANY offer you made would be one with an agenda of her own - and, I might add, very low standards. So - who were you saying was "better"? Go fuck yourself.
I call it, Discourse Analysis of Failed Flirtatious Advances...or something like that.
2010, January 9, 11:30PMSo, I've decided that instead of boring you with the intricacies of my [boring] day to day life, I'm going to focus on a particular topic. I've been noticing in the media, especially movies, that there are more and more surfacing themes of cheating in relationships, and divorce. And, interestingly enough, a lot of times the whole premise of the movie is about how the person cheated, got divorced, and yet everyone somehow had a happy ending, or the person who was cheated on appeared not all that upset about it. Or, if it's not ending happily, it still seems to convey the message that this sort of thing is commonplace, just a fact of life, etc. etc.
Since the topic of "cheating" is one in which a lot of people have very strong opinions about, I've decided to use that as my topic for today's blog. What do I consider cheating? And, is cheating cheating, or do circumstances matter?
Let's define "cheating" as any sexual activity with another person (of either gender) while one is currently in a monogamous relationship. As far as I'm concerned, yes, cheating is cheating - there are no other labels that can be applied to differing circumstances; however, circumstances do matter. What do I mean by that? Well, in terms of making a decision about whether to end the relationship or to try to work things out depends on whether the person is genuinely remorseful, whether it was a one-time thing or multiple occurences, and whether the person is honest about it or tries to hide it. At the heart of all three is the motivation for cheating in the first place.
People make mistakes. As they say, "to err is human", and everyone screws up in different ways. So, it is entirely possible for someone who is completely in love with their significant other to screw up and somehow fall into a...sexual situation...with another person. If the person does really love their significant other, then he/she would be extremely guilt-ridden and remorseful, and chances are that he/she will make a genuine effort to change his/her behaviour. However, it is also possible that the person who cheated really doesn't care that much about the relationship, and cheated out of lack of respect for his/her significant other, in which case there would be no point in trying to make the relationship work. In this latter case, it is a sign that the people in the relationship are just not right for each other, whereas in the former, perhaps there is a specific problem within the relationship that needs to be dealt with (for example, a feeling of distance, lack of communication, lack of sex...etc).
When I say "whether it was one occasion or multiple occasions", what I really mean to get at is whether it was a situation that arose out of circumstances...you know...the kind of thing you would later describe as an event that "just happened", as opposed to deliberately planning to sleep with another person. Using an example to clarify this: a "just happened" situation would be like being at a party and getting so drunk that one's ability to think things through is inhibited, and some other person climbs on top of him or her, and he or she - being a state of mind to go with whatever's happening - ends up having sex with this other person without truly paying attention to what's going on (keep in mind that I'm NOT saying that "being drunk" is an adequate excuse for cheating; I'm using this as an example because it's probably the most common scenario for the "just happened" sort of event). In the scenario of deliberately planning, an example would be calling home to say that you're "working late" when you're actually planning on meeting up with another person for an affair. The reason why I make this distinction is because in the latter scenario, especially if there are repeat occurences, it makes it obvious that the person is not willing to address the REAL problem in the relationship with the person with whom they are in a relationship. An example to clarify: if you feel that your partner is becoming very distant, or if you feel that he/she is unsatisfying in bed, you should TALK to your partner about spending more time together or trying something new in bed rather than seeking someone else out to fill that gap - OR just end the relationship and start fresh if it's unfixable. Having a continued/multiple affairs is running from the problem and is extremely unfair for the significant other
Finally, probably one of the most important things is whether or not the person owns up to his/her behaviour. At least, as far as I'm concerned, lying is worse than cheating. If the person has the strength to actually tell you about what happened, it's probably a good sign that he or she is willing to at least try to make sure it never happens again; is willing to try to work through whatever difficulties there are in the relationship (operative word being "probably"). It is important to keep in mind, however, that the things I've listed aren't hard and fast rules for making a decision. Deciding whether to work through the cheating issue or to end the relationship is a judgment call that an individual has to make, and the biggest factor in that is what a person can deal with. If thinking about your significant other being with someone else makes you want to vomit violently, and this feeling doesn't change, obviously circumstances aren't going to matter to you. And even if you are the type of person that could live with that thought, there are lots of other factors that play in as well, such as how serious your relationship is or the circumstances that you found out. If you found out in the first few months, you'd be less likely to tolerate it than if you found out after you'd been married for 20 years. In regards to circumstances, I would imagine walking in on it, and actually seeing it first hand, would definitely change things as well. It's harder to rationalize something that's staring you in the face. And this is why I said before: cheating is cheating.
After all of this, please keep in mind that i'm not trying to say "cheating is okay" or that it's okay to cheat in certain circumstances. I'm saying that there are certain circumstances when it is possible to work through it and eventually come out okay in the end, and there are also circumstances when you can't work it out. It depends on how you perceive the situation (not how it actually happened, but how you perceive it), and what you can live with. I would think that cheating in and of itself is a sign that there's something else going on, especially in a serious relationship (if it's not that serious, then it's probably a sign that he or she is just not that into you). Maybe the real problem is that the other person has a problem with drinking to the point where they "lose control" so to say. Or maybe the problem is that you both haven't been communicating well, or that there has been a growing distance in the relationship.
If you want to have a good, long lasting relationship, there are a few important points to take to heart. If you feel like you're not getting enough attention, or if you feel ignored or whatever, tell your significant other about it! Not telling him/her isn't going to make the fact that you still feel that way go away. Chances are, the other person just hasn't really noticed that he/she was coming off as distant or negligent. If you don't say anything, the other person will just assume that everything is okay. It is really, REALLY important to be able to communicate with each other, especially about things that are bothering you.
Well, that's all I'm going to write for tonight. And remember, this is my opinion on this specific topic, so please don't have a cow if you don't agree with it, lol. Oyasuminasai!
2010, January 7, 1AMYou know that feeling when you look at everything you've done; the culmination of all of your efforts, and it falls just short of your expectations, or at least short of what you had wanted to accomplish, and thus feel like a complete and utter FAILURE? That's my feeling right now. I look at my artwork. FAIL. I look at any picture of me that has ever been taken, and compare it to this secret image of a beautiful person I have inside my head, and FAIL. I look at my most recent marks in university, and they fall short of my expectations. UTTER FAIL! I try to play guitar, but it's choppy, the strings buzz, and my voice sounds like a trainwreck. Yeah yeah yeah, it's not so bad. I tend to be really hard on myself, and I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing (in the sense that it would motivate me to do better, or if it would make me depressed to the point where I lose motivation to do anything, and get progressively worse, and more depressed, and it just becomes this violent downward spiral into DOOM).
I often wonder if a person feels crappy because they want to feel that way, or if feeling crappy is something that is out of a person's control. After all, I could just change the way that I think about all the things I just listed. If I know it's possible to change the way I think, why couldn't I choose to think positively instead? And what does it say if I choose not to think positively but to dwell on the negative? Do I gain some sort of satisfaction from it? Or is it rather that I'm searching for attention or recognition, or some other form of reward?
*sigh* oh well. I'm going to bed now.
2010, January 5, 11:45PMWoot! first day of classes! I was at the university for 7 and a half bloody hours, and hence decided that I didn't feel like going to karate afterwards (it's cold, I had a headache, and I was hungry), and decided ultimately that I'm not going to take karate anymore - since I don't really have any other time other than on Tuesdays. I might drop in at karate every now and then, but I'm not going to go all the time. I've also had a fairly productive couple of days homeworkwise. I managed to put 7 chapters' worth of definitions in flashcard form (which is quite a feat, considering there were 200 definitions for chapter 2 alone of my neuropsych text!). So, naturally, my head hurts now ;_;
I was exceedingly embarrassed by my attempt at Stairway to Heaven in the audioblog, so I put up another version of it. This time, I only played it in chunks and then mashed it all together in the audio mixer thingy I have. It sounds a lot better. It's not an accurate representation of my actual playing abilities in real life, but I guess most bands will record their stuff in such a way that it sounds better, lol. I'm leaving up the older version so I have something to compare it to.
I'm sleepy....oyasuminasai!
2010, January 4, 11:30PMOkay, so I was doing homework when I decided that I was going to put up some new emoticons on my website! wahaha! All the ones you see on this blog are from Anikaos.com. I came across the onionhead ones and OMG they are so cute and so anime-characteristic. I LOVE THEM! So I'm throwing them in with the other emoticons, lol.
I'm really excited for my first classes to start tomorrow. And I'm excited for next week too, because I'm starting my job tutoring! (still working at Tim Hortons, btw). I'm tutoring someone in PSY 255 - Human Memory, which was one of my favourite classes. I'm so stoked! Plus, I'm getting paid $15/hour...pretty wicked, eh? Of course, I'll only be excited about all of this until I have to start actually doing some homework...HAHA.
I've been reading this book called The Blak Hole War by Leonard Susskind, which is about his "battle with Stephen Hawking to make the world safer for quantum physics". Basically, it's about how Leonard Susskind has worked to prove Hawking wrong about his notion that information is lost in black holes. I highly recommend it if you're even the tiniest bit interested in physics - it explains a lot of the concepts I had trouble with in high school physics in such a way that it is very understandable. Seriously, that book should be a high school physics book, because it's INTERESTING!! When I'm done reading this book, I might possibly take out a book from the physics library about String Theory, but we'll see how this semester goes.
I got my hair done today ^_^ I had it cut shorter (about chin length a couple weeks ago), and today I got it highlighted. Although - it's a little more blonde than I had really wanted, but it still looks okay. I'm not too entirely sure how I feel about it yet. ma ne, shikataga nai. I was also able to sell enough text books from previous classes in order to cover the cost of my two fairly expensive text books for this term, so I was really happy about that. Oh!! and I totally forgot to mention! After grading in November for Karate, I ascended to ORANGE belt! I was pretty happy about that. Perhaps, if I'm able to keep up with it during this semester, I can get my green belt before I leave the country. We'll see though.
Well, I'm going to attempt to do some more notes on my text books. Ja ne!
2010, January 3, 7PMWell, today, it is official; I no longer have any pets. I put an add up on Kijiji for my two cats, and within a day I already had responses for both of my cats. They are now both given away to good homes, and we no longer have to spend money on cat food and cat litter. I bawled my eyes out after giving away Pino though. And just today I gave away Marina, the cat I've had for nigh on ten years. Now I'm just depressed, lol. Oh well. I guess it's better to give them away now rather than wait until later when I'm more attached to them and it's even harder to give them away. I just wasn't expecting people to reply so soon. It's almost like I wasn't given enough time to say goodbye, but the cats wouldn't have understood it. I'm sure they won't even miss me...they' just cuddled with me for body heat and because they knew I fed them.
On a happier note, I had a really good Christmas and New Years. I got to spend time with the family, and just relax. Although, I made a pie to take to my Aunt and Uncle's, but I forgot to put oven mits on when I picked up the pie plate and it flipped over onto the floor. I actually cried when I did that too; I was so upset that I had wasted an ENTIRE saskatoon berry pie. Well, almost - I salvaged what I could from what didn't actually touch the floor. Besides that, though, Christmas was good. And for New Years we celebrated R.M.'s birthday ^_^. I even baked a chocolate cake that didn't have any milk, eggs, or butter in it, and it was actually really easy. We played this game where we had to write something down from a certain category like "things you shouldn't do naked" or "things you shouldn't say to your wife", and then after they were read out you had to guess who said what. It was really fun - we had a lot of good laughs at some of the answers. As a reminder for the future, however, Tequila does NOT taste very good on its own - lemons are a must for the next drinking occasion, lol.
Term papers and finals are all finished. I start my new semester tomorrow...and I'm soo happy that I don't have to do any intensive studying or research for a little while, anyway. The worst part about doing term papers is that I have chosen to go to University, to take the class, and to write the damn paper, and even though I could choose to drop out of the class/university, I don't. I can't legitimately complain about doing term papers or writing tests beause it's my choice to do them in the first place. I can't wait until this semester is done, because then I get to take a couple years off.
That's it for now, ttyl.
2009, November 24, 10:30 PMSo, the term paper that I'm working on now has been given yet another extension, so that it will be due next Tuesday. Unfortunately I have two other term papers due next week, so I should really try to get this term paper done by Thursday. Here's to hoping, haha (notice how I'm currently updating my blog).
My birthday passed by pretty smoothly. Went out to Jax on the 10th, and that was alright. It was the middle of the week so it wasn't totally packed like it usually is. The next day I was supposed to go to spirit training for karate (basically you just get up early on a holiday and go to karate at 8 in the morning), but I was feeling really crappy (and no, I wasn't hung over, I only drank water when I went out on my birthday, haha), so I ended up staying home during the morning. Afterwards, R.M. and I went for coffee on Broadway and, instead of sitting in at a cafe, we took a stroll down the street and looked in at all the cool stores ^_^. We went into one place and - lo and behold, they had the hooker boots I've been looking for FOREVER, and they were on sale for only $60! (the ones I wanted from Gothical were just over $200, and weren't as comfortable). So...I bought them! lol. I happened to mention along this adventure that I had always wanted to get a vertical lip piercing, but the thing holding me back was work (we're not supposed to have facial jewelry, even though lots of people do anyway, lol). I decided to test fate: if I could get them to pierce my lip with the retainer so that I could have it in at work, then I would get my lip pierced. Turns out they didn't have the bioplast in right then, but they could get the clear balls in by the next week. So, after this epic adventure, I came out with some shiny new black knee-high lace up 5 inch platforms, and a lip piercing. I think I said once that I would never get my lip pierced...funny, I tend to always go back on those sorts of claims.
Speaking of term papers, I'm going to continue working on the bibliography for all three of them (that's always so tedious), and skim through a few of the sources.
Ja ne!
2009, November 7, 2:30 AMRaaa! I'm so hardcore I had to find a new emoticon! lol jk. So my horror of needlessly spending money and my obsessive compulsive need to obtain symmetry has driven me even out my ear piercings...with my own hands! I still had the earings that were used to pierce my left ear, which happen to be exceptionally pointy, so after much sanitization I shoved the earings through my ears. Of course, it was a slow process compared to using a piercing gun. Such a strange feeling...feeling the skin break on both sides of your ear as you willfully push through a bar of metal...creeped out yet?
Ok so not that exciting, I'm sure there are quite a few people that have done their own piercings. I just wanted to rave about it for a bit.
In the past couple of weeks I have finished watching 3 different anime: Yami no Matsuei, Ergo Proxy, and Death Note. I was disappointed by the latter half of Ergo Proxy, as the ending really didn't explain very much. It seemed like the storyline had a lot more potential than what they actually did with it. It was very good, but it could have been better. Death Note...I watched episodes 24 through 37 in one day, haha. OMG what an amazing series! Every episode was filled with intrigue, and the ending was absolutely perfect! (after having just finished Ergo Proxy, having a concise ending in Death Note made it that much better, haha). and Yami no Matsuei was a short, sweet, albiet strange shounen-ai-ish series. The storyline was actually fairly decent, and I want to read the manga to see if it's any better. BTW, I have a problem with watching anime, lol. I haven't done any real homework in a while...oops!
Well, I gotta go to bed, it's late. Oyasuminasai!
2009, October 7, 3:30 AMI was determined to stay up until I actually accomplished something. I've been slacking a bit in my homework, so I want to try to get back on track, or at least pass my exam coming up on Friday, lol. So far so good, I've managed to start studying on Monday, which is impressive considering I usually study the night before. Of course, I've only accomplished a minute amount of studying, so really...
Just watched the latest episode of House M.D., and omfg what an interesting, and very loaded episode! It brings up a lot of very valid questions of morality, the biggest one being: If someone who was responsible for thousands of deaths, and would be responsible for countless more, were to come to a hospital, would it be more ethical to treat this person and make him/her healthy (thus allowing him/her to continue destruction of other human lives), or would it be more ethical to "accidentally" kill him/her? By saving this person's life, would you be indirectly responsible for the countless deaths at the hands of this murderer? By ending this person's life, would you be saving those countless lives, or would you yourself become a murderer? If by distancing yourself from the entire situation and not becoming involved, are you released of all responsibility? Or does the mere fact that you could have made a decision; could have acted in the situation to make the world a better place lead you into bad karma because you chose not to act?
That's one of the things that scares me about becoming a psychologist. On the one hand, I would have to maintain the utmost confidentiality with the patient. If the patient tells me that he/she plans to do harm to another person, or that he/she has sexually abused a child and may continue to do so, then I am required to warn someone about the potential harm to other people. What happens if the patient is just relaying what they would feel like doing, not what they would actually do? By breaching confidentiality on a false alarm, I would be in serious trouble. If I didn't breach confidentiality and something terrible happened because of that, I would still be in serious trouble. I really...really hope that I'm not faced with such a difficult decision (I probably will be, but one can always hope).
HOLY OMG WOW! Over a year and a half ago, we were told that we would be getting new counters put in within a WEEK. Now, FINALLY, we have the new counters!! And new sinks and taps that don't shake violently every time you turn on the hot water!! There's still a very long list of things wrong with this apartment, but hey, we finally have new counters! I consider that a reason for celebration!
I'm actually pretty excited about doing my research proposal for my 300 level psych class. I'm going to be doing the research proposal on the yaoi/shounen-ai fanfiction/fanart phenomenon...how freaking awesome is that?! I've always been interested in the subject, just because it's so bizarre, and now I have a legitimate excuse to do research on it (or pretend to prepare to do research on it, haha). For once, a paper I am genuinely excited about!
Speaking of which, I've started writing my fanfiction as a form of distraction from doing homework. I managed to complete another chapter! Yay for semi-productive distractions ^_^
Haha, I drank some Mana potion to give myself some energy and keep myself awake. I was tired until just this last hour or so. Seriously? What inconvenient timing...oh well. Maybe I'll get something accomplished.
Oyasuminasai!
2009, September 28, 1 PMI've remembered how much I dislike doing homework, and, lo and behold, here I am! Granted, so far, I've read more of my textbooks than I would usually have read by the end of a semester, so yay! I'm in some sense staying afloat. However, in the last few days, I've been increasingly more distracted by the tv - if someone else is watching something, even if I hate the show they're watching I'll pay attention to it anyway. That's why I hate going to bars that have tvs in them, because I'll tend to watch them instead of socialize. I also missed an assignment, which I am completely mortified by. Here I was starting out all good and I didn't even DO an assignment! I blame that on the fact that I didn't write it down in my dayplanner, though. If I don't use a dayplanner, I tend to remember when things are due, or I'll have it in my head that I need to do them. Problem is that I get dates mixed up or there's the possibility of forgetting something. If I use a dayplanner, everything is organized, I can plan out my studying, but because it's all there, I don't have to remember when things are due, and if I forget to write something down, I'll completely miss it.
Oh yeah, continuing previous thought - because I've been so distracted by the tv lately, I've decided to set up my laptop in the spare room. Desk is cleaned off, I have my little coasters so I can have a cup of tea, I'll get all my text books in here so I don't have to go anywhere, I'm sitting on a chair instead of a nice comfy sleep-inducing couch, and I've redirected the wireless broadcaster to point towards this room instead of the living room. So far, I've noticed that it's a lot easier to type since my laptop is at a higher level (before I had it on the coffee table). We'll see how it goes though.
So, not too sure about the date anymore, as I was too slow in booking the Wadena hall for the 24th...Oh well! I'll have to work that out pretty quick though.
Every year, when I get a textbook from the library, or I'm doing research on something, I find a book that I want to read for myself, I take it out, and every time I return it without reading a page of it. Well, this time, when I got a book for myself from the library, I read the whole thing! It's called Crooked Cucumber and it's about a Zed Buddhist prist that came to America. It was actually quite interesting, and I would suggest other people read it.
As a personal goal for myself, I need to work on being more outgoing. I feel that my shyness actually probably just makes me come off as extremely rude (in that I tend to not intruduce myself to people or ask for their name). So, I will start with at least introducing myself to people when I talk to them.
Anyway, that's enough distraction from doing homework. I'm going to try to get this assignment done before the sun sets (instead of staying up until 2am trying not to fall asleep).
Ja Ne
2009, September 3, 9 PMYay! First day of classes was today. I'm sooo happy that university has started again. I was getting so sick of working full time, haha! I even took off 4 days the weekend before school started just to bring the end closer, lol. That was a good decision, however, because Kev and I went to the Temple Garden Hotel in Moose Jaw and had a very relaxing weekend. we went swimming in the mineral water pool, stayed in a room with a jacuzzi, and just RELAXED. It. Was. Awesome.
As well, I've OFFICIALLY decided that it's GOING to happen. We are GOING to the UK next year for sure! We can easily save up enough money for it over the next year, and then some. Yeah, I'll be taking off before I've gotten my bachelors, but if we put it off for another year, there will always be another reason to put it off even more. So...screw it! We are going NEXT YEAR, god damn it! The wedding will be next July, probably on the 24th. Just before the wedding, or just after, we'll move out of the apartment and either sell, give away, or let other people use temporarily, all our stuff, and then after the wedding we'll go on a honeymoon for a week or two, hang out in Wadena for a bit, go to another wedding, and then we're leaving the country for two years!! I'm so freaking excited, I don't know how I'll be able to contain myself for the next year.
Speaking of weddings and such, I got the fabric for my wedding dress and the bridesmaids dresses, and I picked out my wedding ring too! About February or March, Zephyr, R.M. and I will get together and start sewing our dresses...woot!
In other awesome news, I finished...FINISHED reading The Lord of the Rings. Holy omfg wow what an EPIC novel! I was really surprised though, because as long-winded as a lot of the book was, the battle scenes weren't as epic as I'd expected them to be, lol. Granted, it is hard to write a battlescene, and, considering the fact that I watched the movies first, that probably skewed my expectations. I think it's a lot easier to depict an epic battle scene in movie form than in writing form. I was also irritated by the fact that the book stuck with specific characters for long periods of time, and didn't switch to other characters when things were going on simultaneously. In that sense, the book didn't go in precise chronological order, but went back and forth in time - which, by the end of the book, was starting to get on my nerves, lol. On the other hand, one got to experience the same event from several different perspectives. I started rewatching the movies, as well, since the last time I saw them was years and years ago. I think I like the movies a lot more since reading the book, as they did a pretty good job of keeping things fairly accurate. They are really long movies though! I'm only part-way through the Two Towers, lol.
Oh hey, and did I mention? I've started taking Karate again! And since I'm paying for it, I can guilt myself into going if motivation fails me, haha! I'm feeling in better shape than I have been, and if I don't go for a while, I really feel it...I just feel like crap. Well, hopefully I'll be able to keep up with it throughout the school year. I worked it into my schedule so I definitely have time to go, and it's not even that inconvenient because I can just go downtown after class.
Work is going to be changing a lot, pretty soon. Angel, one of the managers, has left for another province. There was a going away party for her, and I was able to get drunk with my manager (which is a rare event because she doesn't really drink anymore...except on special occasions, evidently, and I don't usually socialize much, haha). I even stayed out late to party with some of my coworkers, which was fun. It's nice to branch out every now and then and hang out with people I don't normally hang around. Anyway, as I was saying before, the other manager will be going on maternity leave, and they've brought one of the managers from the other store over. It's going to be quite a different experience. Hopefully it all turns out ok. Oh well. I'm quiting at the end of next July. I'll just keep that firm in my mind from now until then, lol.
Well, I've got homework and stuff to do, ttyl!
2009, August 7/8, midnightSo that streak of motivation I was talking about in the last post lasted approximately a week...and now things are back to normal, lol. Oh well. I've taken up karate though...yay! I'm finally doing something physically involving, haha. Sensei says that I may even be able to get my orange belt by fall, too, so that'll be cool.
In the realm of work...OMFG I CAN'T WAIT TO NOT WORK FULL TIME ANYMORE!! lol. I've been working the same job for two years, so I feel like I've learned everything I really can (besides becoming a supervisor, but that would just be more uber-stressful than challenging, haha), and therefore I feel rather...well, bored. Not to say that the job itself is boring, but I'm just sick of being there, sick of eating the same food for 5 days a week...but what other job will pay 12 dollars an hour, offer benefits even with part-time, and allow me flexible-enough hours so that I can plan my school year exactly how I want it? *sigh* ma ne, shikataganai yo.
I'm really excited for school to start ^_^ although I'm also kinda nervous... apparently third year is supposed to be really intensive and a lot of work, and the third year psych classes are all about research and doing experiments...all of which I HATE, lol. Sometimes I wonder if I really want to be a psychologist, but while I was at the restaurant the other day, and someone marvelled at how well the waitress was able to remember the multiple orders, I had to restrain myself from excitedly explaining exactly how the waitress remembered it...haha. I just hate doing a lot of work, lol.
I've taken it upon myself to read all of Lord of the Rings this summer, and so far, I'm almost done The Two Towers!! yay! I'm hoping to finish it before school starts. It's taken me the whole three months of summer I've had to read this far, though, lol. But I don't read it everyday, and when I do it's usually one chapter at a time. What can I say? I'm a slow reader, and reading puts me to sleep (conditioning from always reading textbooks while lying on the couch).
The tattoo is FINALLY finished, too! It's all coloured in, and I've decided I'm not getting any more tattoos for a long time, haha. I'm just waiting for it to heal, and then I may possibly post a picture of it :D but I promise nothing.
Well I've got to go to bed, I have to go to stupid work in the morning, lol. Ja ne.
2009, June 4, 8amLately, we've been trying this new thing where we become motivated people, and instead of lying on the couch watching reruns of House (I freaking love that show!), we've been trying to actually get things done. I feel very proud of myself for the last couple days, because yesterday and today, even though it was my day off, I got up early, and I didn't go back to sleep after the alarm clock went off! Trying to break the SNOOZE habit, and so far we're off to a good start :) (I usually press the snooze button several times in a morning, always for at least an hour, usually between an hour and a half to two hours). We've been saying for, quite literally, months that we would get up in the morning and make breakfast, but every single time one of us will press the snooze button until it's too late for breakfast, but both yesterday and this morning we got up and had breakfast! YAY!!
Yesterday, as well, instead of napping all day (another bad habit of mine, haha) and wasting away on the couch, I cleaned the appartment, did the dishes, donated a couple dollars to the Camp Day thingy going on at Tim Hortons (played the roulette wheel and won a $5 travel mug - NICE!), cashed in my Tim Points [points we get at work for being extra awesome, lol] and got a couple gift cards for Sobeys. I looked up a recipe for a brand new dish we've never had before and used the gift cards to buy everything I needed to make Moussaka, a Greek casserole featuring lamb and eggplant. It turned out really good, too ^_^. On my way back from the grocery store I bought a flower for Kev, hehe. I got a tiger-lily since he mentioned wanting to grow them (although I think he meant for eating purposes, haha), and because I really wanted to have just one flower among all the other plants we have, lol. And, in my cleaning rampage, I also organized the recycling room, which was, to say the least, a bit of a disaster area, lol. Yay for motivation!
I've also been walking places instead of driving everywhere (mostly because my car won't start and I have a phobia of driving Kev's truck). I walked downtown to pay the rent last Friday, stopping at the university to do some stuff on the internet. Today I'm going to walk down to the university to upload the updates to my website and check my email and all that. It's a good hour long walk, but it's nice to get outside. If I'm cooped up in the appartment for too long I start to get depressed, lol.
I went through all my old notebooks...the ones I used to write in in high school, and I tore out all of the pages that had my journal stuff and tore the pages to pieces and recycled them. I figured it was time to say goodbye to the melodramatic teenager, and lay to rest everything I once thought and believed, because most of the things I wrote about, I no longer feel the same way about them. And all the things I wrote because I was feeling emotional and angry...I don't want to go back over those things and be reminded of them. And finally, I wouldn't want to keep them so someone else could read them, because another person would judge me based on who I was then, not who I am now. And so, the notebooks are gone. I still kept my History 20 case studies though, because I put way too much work into them to just get rid of them, haha.
Speaking of old stuff, while I was in Wadena I went through the stuff at my Dad's and brought up a bunch of things, namely, my old sketchbooks! Sometime I'll scan in the old art and put it up here. I won't bother putting it up on DeviantArt just because it's so old, but you lucky people will get to see where it all began, wahaha. I also brought back a couple binders full of recipes from McCall's Cooking School, which is where I got the recipe for Moussaka from. Hopefully this summer we'll pick out something different every week or so and try something new. I'm so excited!
Well, I'm off to start a brand new day full of adventures! Ja ne!
2009, May 29, 2amHoly omg wow, the lengths I have to go through just to get the damn internet to work! I was on the phone with the LYNKSYS technicians trying to troubleshoot my router woes, and after being on the phone for an hour it was decided that the router is defective. The funny part is that in order to fill out the forms to get a replacement router and get my internet back, in need to go to their WEBSITE. OMFG! Whatever...I'll just hit the university on my way downtown in the morning. Of course, even if I send away the router and get another one, it'll probably take several weeks for the bloody exchange. I might as well just buy another one (except for the fact that I'm quite broke). oi.
I also need to confirm the registration for my new domain, but the registration number is in my email, and I can't phone them back until I have the registration number ready. Yet another thing I'll have to do on my errand run.
Do you ever write down an explanation of who you are - a poem, a blurb, whatever, and then come back to it a few months or years later and realize that the things you said don't even apply anymore? The concepts and ideas that you identified with become obsolete; the images you were so in love with you realize were just a personal fad, and now you feel embarrassed and ashamed by everything you thought you once represented? I wonder if it ever stops, or if a person is doomed to perpetual shame and embarrassment of one's former self? If one IS doomed, then doesn't that mean that a person is ALWAYS shameful and embarrassing? When it comes to other people, you take them for who they are - you don't mull over THEIR past sayings and embarrassments, and in all likelihoood, no one else is going over YOUR multiple embarrassments, so it's possible that the shame one feels is completely redundent... Ahh It still bothers me though. I cringe with embarrassment when I think of the embarrassing/hurtful things I said when I was five years old. Everything I've ever done wrong haunts me. I find a lot of time I'm trying to rationalize and justify actions I did so many years ago that it doesn't even matter anymore. I'll replay conversations I would have had with someone - alternate conversations with better wording, more articulate; or I'll wish desperately that I could take something back...why the bloody hell did I say that?! It was so obviously tactless, tasteless, rude, so terribly rude... and I cringe every time.
It's not like I could supress or forget the terrible moments, because if I did that, I'd just repeat the same damn mistakes and then I'd have some new experiences to feel ashamed over. *sigh* If a person is doomed to continually look back and feel ashamed of every terrible moment throughout one's life...how do old people feel when they look back on their lives? I wonder if it's exhausting to remember so many mistakes and feel bad for every single one of them? Haha, perhaps the memory loss that occurs with old age is a psychological defence mechanism.
I'm hungry, but I don't want rice or pasta. And it's 2 in the morning.
Well I should header...the immense amount of caffeine that was in my system before is starting to drain. Oyasuminasai!!
2009 May 22, 2009, 2amWell, I sure do make a habit of not updating very often, LoL. Well, after a long (yet very fast) second year of university, I have successfully managed to maintain my average above 80%, not go completely insane at work, have a little bit of a social life, and, god forbid, spend money on myself!! Uwahaha! Okay, so update from last post: Pino had a mammary inflammation of some sort, not cancer, and therefore getting her spayed prevented her from having any more lumps ^_^. My classes all went okay, although I must say that I absolutely DESPISE term papers! I had also picked out all the classes I was going to take in the upcoming years, deciding that I would get my astronomy minor as well as religious studies. However, that meant taking summer calculus classes and another math and physics class in order to be able to take the 300 and 400 level astronomy classes. However, after enduring the first few days of calculus, I decided that plan was a dumb idea and dropped out of calculus! This ended up being a good thing though, because when I was looking up different classes to take, I looked up the physics class I wanted and it no longer existed, lol. I would have had to take THREE different physics classes just to meet the pre-requisite requirements, and consequently I would need to go to university for another whole semester (which would also amount to an extra $3000 spent on classes I didn't actually want to take, lol). SO, I'm taking more painting classes ^_^
As for not spending money on myself, I made up for that over the last month or so by getting a few piercings and adding to my tattoo ^_^ What better way to spend money on yourself than paying to have permanent alterations done to your body? lol. See, we were planning on buying a *new* car, and I took out $1000 from my savings to pay for the downpayment, but alas, we thought better of it since having a car to pay for over a period of several years would hinder our ability to leave the country, so we ended up not getting the car. So, having this money that I would have spent anyway, and expected not to have, I decided to spend it on myself! (Now I can't complain about not being frivolous, lol) I also bought a couple new pairs of shoes, and external hard-drive for better organizing, some new jewelry, and a mocha-bubble-tea-with-bubbles-and-whipped-cream on many an occasion throughout the school year, lol. After I get my tattoo coloured in, however, I'll have to do some heavy duty saving for the next year!
Now that it's summer, I've decided to read the books I've been meaning to read, starting with Lord of the Rings! Hopefully I actually stick with it this time...I got halfway through the first book and quit while I was in high school, but perhaps this summer will be different.
Work has been going alright too. I got another raise, so I feel better about working there, lol. It gets tiring though. I've been there for almost 2 years, and after having the food from there at least 4 times a week, and being able to do almost everything in the store, the work day goes by slower and I feel less enthused about going to work. Oh well. I think it's more that I'm just tired of doing work not related to psychology. EIGHT MORE years of school...omfg...but at least I'll be able to start doing psycholgoy related things in about 4 or 5 years...lol.
I've also toyed with the idea of running an animal shelter instead of raising children, but we'll see how that goes.
They have manga at the public library. I was thrilled to discover this. I was even more thrilled to discover that you can read manga online at http://www.mangafox.com.
Oh yeah. January my laptop's hard-drive died, and although I was able to save my homework (thank god!) I lost my pictures from the last two years. Luckily, however, I have psycho stalkers on Facebook that post pictures of me and past events, and my friends also have a lot of the pictures I had, so not all is lost :) Because of this incident, though, I took to writing my notes in pencil, transfering the notes to the computer, ERASING the notes and reusing the paper! Yeah, I'm helping the environment! (although I fall asleep with the lights on sometimes, so I don't help that much, lol)
Ok, well, I think it's time to header. Oyasuminasai!
2008 November 6, 12amHoly fucking omg wow I haven't updated in....*counts*...5 months! woops! Okay, so quick overview...August, Kev quit KWH and talked me into going to Banff with him, had a great time even though it rained pretty much the whole time. We camped in a tent, cooked over a fire, and enjoyed some of the fancy cuisine at both Banff and Jasper. Heard Gackt on the radio or whatever was playing at one of the Japanese restaurants, which was somewhat surprising (although it probably shouldn't be that surprising, seeing as how he's so famous and everything, it was just weird to hear a song I recognized and listened to a billion times). Oh yeah. OMG, I should have mentioned this first...Kev asked me to marry him! and I said YES! uahaha, so we're getting married July 26, 2010...or around then. He did this sometime over the summer, and we told our parents at the end of September...we wanted to do it in person :)
University has started, and I've been working more than last year trying to save up for a trip to Europe that might not even happen...lol. I'm working about 32 hours per week, school full time, and I didn't increase my loan limit amount thinger so I've been paying most of this year's tuition out of my own pocket. I'm freaking broke. I spend on average about $10 per pay period on myself. I don't have a social life because I've been trying to get good marks in all of my classes (seeing as how 80% of my classes this year are psychology classes, and the other ones I have to get an 80% average in as well because they make you do well not only in what you want to do but your extra classes too...oi, lol) For a while it was getting rather depressing, but now I find I don't even enjoy going out and spending a lot of money, so hey! Personal growth. I've gotten rid of one of my desires...or so I keep telling myself. On the same note, I've also decided presents are stupid. What's the point of wracking your brain over trying to buy a present for someone when they're only going to kinda like it or put it away in the closet for the next decade until they dig it up and sell it at a garage sale? Ok, kind of exaggerating, but my point is, I don't want any presents this year. People keep asking me what I want, and I keep telling them I don't want anything, and they keep insisted I need to have a present, and then they get me one and I'm too broke to get them one, and I end up just feeling guilty and crappy. See?! presents do people (me, specifically) harm! And yes, I know that was a retardedly long run-on sentence, but you know what? I don't need to breathe when I think, and I'm just writing what I think. So ha! This is not a representation of my writing skills! Omg...I just read what I wrote...I don't need to breathe when I think...haha. I meant I don't need to pause for breath because I've run out of it in the process of thinking...err, that's not right either...Ok, I can breathe at the same time as thinking and I don't need to indicate pauses where I breathe because my thoughts are continuous and not related to my breathing patterns...err...whatever. Point of the entire paragraph, I'm broke, I'm okay with it, and I don't want any presents.
Work has been going alright lately. They've been putting me on different positions lately, and I feel like they value me more. I even get the whole "you're my favourite employee!" thing once in a while, lol. It's not exclusive to me, of course...but it makes me feel happy anyway. I just feel kinda like I'm being shafted when I'm making the same amount as the noobies I'm training when I've been there for a year and a half, but whatever. I couldn't ask for a raise for myself without asking for a raise for everyone else that has been there forever...otherwise I'd feel like crap, lol. Granted lots of people have quit, including the people that have been there forever, so maybe it's worth a shot. I'll put it on my to do list.
I complained a lot about how much I suck at painting, so I'm now taking a painting class. I'm getting better at painting! yay! I mean, I'm not as good as some of the people in my class...or most of the people in my class, lol, but I AM getting better. As well, my grandpa gave me my grandmother's oil paints and paintbrushes, which made me feel infinitely special ^_^, and I've made it my goal to get really good at painting so I can carry on the tradition. However, I want to get really good at painting people, because my grandma always did scenery...I want to do something different. Another thing on my to do list. [just an aside, it cost me $200 for my paint and paintbrushes for my class...I just about died, lol]
I took my kitty (Pino) to the vet a month ago because she had a freaky lump on her abdomen, and after they did a cytology they told me it was a basal cell tumor. I took her in today (technically yesterday) for surgery, but the lump had completely disappeared on its own. Weird, eh? Cancer isn't supposed to do that, apparently, so they're going to have another look at the cytology thingy and see if it was something else. Wouldn't that be weird if my cat really did have cancer and fought it off on her own? It's unlikely, but say that was the case...which brings up the other question...if they wanted to do tests on my baby for the sake of finding a cure for cancer, would I let them do it? I honestly don't know if I would...she's my baby! And she can't give her own consent! What if it were painful? Oh well, it's not like it would ever happen. Most likely a 99.9% chance that it wasn't cancer to begin with.
I feel sick, and achy. I want someone to make me chicken noodle soup, give me a massage, and let me sit on the coutch and watch cartoons while eating popsicles all day....but I have homework, and it's the middle of the night, and the only person who would do that is asleep and has to work early in the morning. Being an adult is poo sometimes.
Oh yeah, I'm turning 20 in 4 days. I have 4 days left of teenager-hood. It's rather disturbing.
g2g, homework to do yet. I might try to update more often. Maybe over Christmas I'll try to finish the updating I started over the summer. But I make no promises.
Ja ne.
2008 June 6, 10pmwell well, it's been a nice day out today... I love not having to wear a jacket or a sweater when I go outside. It's a bit of a shame that we don't have air conditioning, but a fan will do for now, hehe. Since last I wrote, I went camping over May Long with a bunch of people. We all gathered in Wadena and headed out to Barrier Lake, to some really obscure part where it was pretty much all bushes, lol. It was so scary driving out there though. There were five cars driving out on a dusty grid road, and there was so much dust that the ONLY thing you could see was the tail lights of the person ahead of you. If the tail lights disappeared, all you could see was dust, and you wouldn't know where the person ahead of you was going. Of course, they were driving fairly fast too, so I was pretty stressed out the whole way there, lol. It was alright once we finally arrived. We set up our tents in the dark and settled down for some hotdogs ^^ I love campfire hotdogs (although a whole weekend of them made me very happy to eat fruit and veggies when we got back home). It was good to get away from the city for a while. I got to relax for the better part of the weekend, not having to do anything or be anywhere. I could nap all day, eat whenever I wanted, go to the little beach area and look at the pretty scenery...I love nature...although I was really REALLY happy to use a normal bathroom after we left, lol. On the way back home we stopped in Wadena again to plant a garden at my dad's place, visit with some of my friends, and visit with my parents and kev's parents. When we got back to the city, I was incredibly happy to be able to sleep in a normal bed instead of on the ground.
Other than that, I haven't really done too much. I watched all of the anime series "Monster", which is an awesome series. I played through the game Beautiful Katamari, which is really weird but really fun, lol. Basically, you have a ball, and you roll up things that are smaller than your ball. Your ball gets bigger and bigger, and you can pick up bigger things, until you can eventually roll up the entire planet, lol.
We got a new tv too! I was excited...not entirely because of the tv itself, but because I've been wanting to rearrange the living room for months, and I finally got to ^_^. The tv works as a monitor for the computer too, so I got the desk out of the living room, and now the spare room finally looks like it's purposefully furnished instead of obviously just being a spare room. I got to reorganize the living room and the spare room over 2 days, and unfortunately, that's been about as exciting as the past while has been, lol. Oh! and just today we bought some bedroom furniture and just finished bringing it home. It's still all over the place...we're going to organize it later tonight...maybe...
Today was a very weird, surprising, lucky day. I got called into work this morning because they were short a couple people. It meant that I'm now working 6 days in a row, instead of having a day off in between, but they offered money on the spot, so of course I went in, lol - I'm perpetually broke...any opportunity for more money and I'm there...er, almost any opportunity anyway. After work we went to go pick up the bedroom furniture. When we got the first load home, we decided to have supper. We couldn't decide between scrounging for food at home, ordering in, or going out to a restaurant. Finally, we decided to go to the Asia Buffet. As we were walking up to the building, Kev and I noticed money on the ground. At first I saw a couple twenty dollar bills and then a five, and then I looked out in the parking lot and there was money flying everywhere! We started gathering it together, and some other people had found some money too. We all gathered together in a mass of confusion - after all, what does a person do in a situation like that? We decided to put all the money together and see if maybe it was a lost deposit from one of the businesses nearby. After checking and finding no claim to the money, the woman who was holding the money divided it amongst everyone there, and then we all nervously went into the Asia Buffet to eat. I felt so weird taking the money! But what does a person do? I mean, yes, a person could leave the money with one of the businesses in case someone went there to claim it, but what if no one claimed it? What if someone in the business simply pocketed it? The people in the group had toyed with the idea of giving it to the police, but decided that the police might just keep it (not a lot of faith in the system, ne?). And what if it were simply some experiment to see how people would react to finding a large sum of money on the ground? After all, a large portion of the money was conveniently placed between a sign and the curb - perhaps it was put there on purpose? Who knows. I suppose another thing to think about would be the consequences of someone having lost such a large amount of money. If it were a deposit, someone may lose their job over it. Is someone getting beaten up over it? Is someone going to get evicted because they lost their rent money? Is some rich person swearing over having lost some "pocket change"? Is some researcher looking over his/her results of the day? Sa ne... I guess we'll never know...or at least I won't because I don't read the paper or watch the news, lol.
But, anyway, I have to go move around some bedroom furniture... bai bai!
2008, May 6, 1amHoly wow it's been a while since I've updated! My site was down for a while because the company to whom Gecko pays his fees didn't automatically take the money from him, and therefore assumed that he wasn't paying his fees and suspended the site. Oh well, it's all sorted out now, yay! And I'm done my first year of University! YAY!!! No more classes, no more finals, for a whole 4 months! I have my marks for 4 out of 5 of my classes; I'm currently just waiting on my English mark. I'm a little nervous about it though, because I know I didn't do as well as I should have on the final (I can never finish the essays in time *sigh*). I'm fairly sure that I got at least a 60% on the final, but I could be wrong. Even if my mark was a 60% on the final, I'm fairly sure that my overall average will stay above 77%, which is what I need to even be considered for the B.A. Honours program. I just looked that up the other day, lol, and it came as a bit of a shock, as I was under the impression that the minimum was 70%. I know I'll definitely have to work harder next year, because it's apparently very competitive (they only allow 30 people per year to get into the program *gulps*). Oh, speaking of next year, I have all my classes picked out *yay*! I've decided to take a minor in Religious Studies, just because when I was looking through the courses, a lot of the religious studies ones looked really interesting. Unfortunately, a lot of the psych classes looked really boring, haha. Ma ne, we'll see when I take the classes. I've also decided to take the art class that specifically deals with painting. I took correspondence from Art Instruction Schools, but I still really suck at painting, and I want to get better. I also need to fill an elective, so I might as well take it. I'm just happy I know what I'll be doing for the next year of my life.
As you may have noticed, I updated the layout of the website finally ^_^ It takes a couple days to change a layout, so I haven't done it while in school. I'll try to update it a lot over the summer. There's a lot I want to add, and it'll probably take all summer to get it completed. As of now, I've resized all the thumbnails for the artwork and photos page, so they all fit properly and don't look too squished our unevenly placed.
I've added different sections in the blog too (as you may also have noticed, upon coming to this section, lol). There are a few new works of art and a few new photos. I even have one of Pino! We've acquired a few chairs, a table, and some blinds for our appartment, so now we can invite people over for supper. It feels good cooking for other people, hehe. Maybe that's because I'm a woman though; it's an ingrained thing, one of those adaptive qualities of females that help their offspring to survive ^_^ Speaking of womanly things, my plan tonight is to do laundry and experiment with cleaning with vinegar. I want to try cleaning a whole bunch of different things and see how it works, haha. Hey, if you've got motivation to clean, you have to see it through to the end, because when it's gone, it's not coming back, lol.
What else has changed since January? Hmm.. well, Kev and I have become more interested in buying fair-trade stuff and buying/using things that are more eco-friendly. I've become more intrigued with shopping at Value Village, as they had a bunch of really cool books that are now adorning our bookshelves, and some really nice clothes too. All of my pants are getting worn out, and I was pleasantly surprised to find a few pairs that were my size (I only bought one pair though because we bought a lot of other things, lol). I'll have to go back when I have more money...although buying things makes me depressed these days. I've conditioned myself to feel horribly guilty whenever I buy anything for myself, so as to limit my spending. So far, it just makes me depressed, and I buy things for myself out of pity, haha. I've also started reading again ^_^ I finished Angels & Demons by Dan Brown, and now I'm reading The Da Vinci Code by the same author. OMG is he a good writer! I'm excited to read Deception Point, another book of his, after I'm done the one I'm reading now. Ahh, it feels nice to have time to read and do the things that I want to do, and not feeling guilty because I could be doing something more important, like homework.
Anyway, I should get going, it's fairly late and I still want to do stuff tonight. Ja ne!
2008, January 28, 8pmYesterday was the coolest ever ^_^ After work, I get the random inclination to make crumpets - just because you sometimes hear people joking about tea and crumpets - and we invited people over for actual tea and crumpets! LoL. I was a little nervous about serving them to people, seeing as how it was my first time making them, but they turned out okay. I think the best part about the night was just that we got to sit down, relax, and just hang out with some of our friends. Ry.M. & R.M. and H.K. & Cas. came over, which was pretty awesome because I don't get to see them very often (I don't get to see anyone very often, lol).
The best part about it was that we could all just sit and talk. We didn't have to worry about paying an arm and a leg for a few drinks at a noisy bar, or paying for bad coffee when we could make it for free here. AND, we don't run the risk of having to be in the same proximity as my ex-antagonistic-roommate, lol. I find that I like going to the bar less and less, especially if there are going to be a lot of people around. I like it best when there are only a few people and you can actually engage in a conversation involving everyone in the group. Too often, if there's a large crowd, you'd have to taylor what you say, depending on the environment and the general likes of everyone who's there. Unfortunately, when there are a lot of people in the group, it involves mostly people who work at Rogers or some form of cell phone service (or have worked there in the past) so we tend to have a lot of conversations about cell phones (or rather, everyone else does, lol). Or, you also get the parties that, for the most part, involve playing video games (Such as Guitar Hero or Halo 3). For me, it's not really so fun to watch people play video games at a party - especially since I'm just not into the newer ones. Any time I try to play them, I get so disorientated and frustrated, so I just don't like them. So, as you can imagine, if everyone else is playing video games at a party and I thoroughly detest watching them, and dislike playing most of them, it's just not my idea of a really good time. That's the main reason I was a little wary when Kev got the Xbox, but thankfully, it hasn't become the main focus of our apartment, lol (it was the main focus of the other place for a while, but that's just because we lived with gamers).
Anyway, it was really refreshing to be able to sit and have tea and crumpets, and genuinely socialize. I was talking with R.M. today and we both agreed that we have to do that more often, hehe ^_^ I'm thinking scones for the next time! lol. We need more chairs though, if we're going to have more people over. There were just enough places to sit for all of us, and I want to be able to invite over some of my other friends from University, too. Haha, we still don't have a kitchen table, either. Zephyr's grandparents were possibly giving away/selling a table and some chairs, so maybe I'll look into that soon. I want to be able to have people over for supper, just because that would be so cool. I want to invite my aunt and uncle over, since they've had me over for supper so often, and I want to return the favour. It's a really nice feeling, cooking for people. Maybe it's because I'm a woman lol.
Anyway, I have to go and do homework now....Off my tea break! Ja ne!
2008, January 15, 8pmAlrighty, so first off...Kev and I moved to a new apartment! We no longer live with roommates! YAY!
I was pretty worried at first that we weren't going to get the place, just because we've been turned down at a couple other places (I don't handle rejection as well as I should). Of course, now that I think about it, it's a good thing that we didn't get the other places that we looked at, mainly because they didn't accept pets. The place we have now does accept pets, which is what we've wanted for a really long time :) It was a lot of stuff to move though - I hadn't realized that we had so much stuff ^^; we have enough to almost fill the apartment, haha. Granted, when we first moved in, we had no place to sit - at all. The day after we bought a set of furniture from someone who used to live in Wadena. We got a black leather couch and love seat (technically pleather...I believe, but they still look really nice) for $500. I was so happy we got it! At first we were deciding against it because it would set us back in the way of having money, but if we didn't get this, we would have had to get other furniture with a payment plan, and that would have cost way more. We don't have anything for the dining room, but Zephyr said we could borrow her table that she isn't using for at least a year or two, so I think we'll take her up on that. It's so cool though, because even though this apartment is a little ghetto (the stove is probably from the 70's, there's water damage everywhere, doorknobs were in backwards in some rooms until Kev fixed them, the buzzer's been destroyed on the front of the building, we have countertops that are seriously warped and have yellow flowers on them, and we still don't have a mail key yet...lol), it still feels more like a home than our other place, which was a bachelor pad through and through. We have this ugly brown carpet, so we went shopping and I actually spent $150 on - get this - a couple of area rugs! And I was excited about it! Omg, I'm not a kid anymore...going through the housewares in stores is fun for me! I really like the rugs though, because they bring the room together, and when you look into the room, you see the nice rug instead of the carpet. Yay for Interior Design in high school! Now all we need are some wooden slat blinds...
Aside from obsessing about buying pretty things for the apartment, I've been working really hard to catch up in my classes. It's been harder for the last week or so though, because I've been working a lot of hours at work. That's okay, though, because moving is expensive and I really need the money I make. I also have to pay the second part of my tuition this month, so things'll be pretty tight for another month.
When I look back on how things were at the other place, living with the roommates I had, I feel a little disappointed in myself. I spent a lot of time complaining about the little things my one roommate did, and a lot of time being immature. I know for a fact that I'm not necessarily cleaner or nicer than they are, and it's not like I'm any better at keeping up with the bills (I keep up with most of them, but I forgot about the last bill from my old cell phone 6 months ago and JUST got it paid off...WOW do I feel like a retard). I can't REALLY say that I manage my money better because if I have money and others don't, generally it's because I have both a loan and a credit card to fall back onto. I just feel stupid for thinking every now and then that I was more mature, and better at handling my life. Well, okay, not thinking - I knew I wasn't any better, but I acted like I was. I can still go on forever about my ex-antagonistic roommate, of course. Just because I'm aware of my shortcomings doesn't make them go away. I'm starting to feel bad about even mentioning his name, though, because I know that hardly anyone else likes him, and everyone else can also go on forever about this person - and usually do whenever his name is mentioned. Thankfully, we don't live in the same place anymore, so I won't have to deal with him. Granted, there's one more thing left to take care of, but after that, it'll be over :)
Oh yeah! Speaking of which, I forgot to write about Christmas! It went alright. I was able to get presents for people, so I didn't feel completely hopeless. I only saw my friends I haven't seen in forever for just a brief while, but it was still nice. We got to hang out with the family a lot, which was cool. I got to have a poutine at Dave's, which made the whole trip worth while, lol. It's still by far the best poutine ever! I had ONE good poutine in the city, and it was super expensive (I had it at the Copper Mug, in case anyone's interested in trying a good poutine while they're trapped in the city, lol). We came back to the city for New Years and had a party at our old place (we still lived there then...we've only been at the new apartment for a week). Big Jason was there as well, and while taking a break from doing homework on New Years Eve, I came downstairs and Jason handed me a shot. Naturally I took it, and proceeded to drink more until I was completely wasted by 4 in the afternoon! It was so funny though, because my antagonistic roommate had a shot waiting for him, and he didn't want to drink it. I said that I would, under the condition that he would help me with dishes the next day. Jason wouldn't have any of that, however, and soon made the bargain that my roommate was to do the dishes himself and clean the whole main floor! That was probably the best part about New Years, haha.
As for presents, we got a lot of stuff that we really needed. Stephen got us a really awesome knife set, my mom got us a set of pots, Kev's parents got us both a year's worth of CAA Insurance, gift cirtificates for the grocery store (cool!!) and a lot of other little things that we needed. I got a sweater and some really fuzzy pj's from my aunties, and money from other relatives (also cool!!). I think it was especially cool that we got the CAA insurance, not just because it covers for me being a forgetful retard who locks the keys in the car, but it shows that his parents really think Kev and I will last, hehe. And then, we also got stuff that was just really awesome, like chocolates, manga from Zephyr, a supersoft blankie from Zephyr's family, more chocolates...lol. (I've already eaten all the chocolates...sigh)
We also got a kitten! (not for christmas, but just last week). A friend of a friend of ours had it, and she was going to put it down, so we decided to save her :) Her name is Pino - named for the adorable character form Ergo Proxy that is often seen in a cat suit, not the wine, lol. I swear to god though, she must be on crack all the time! She rips around for several hours straight, fights with you for a while, and maybe an hour out of 24 she's calm enough to sleep, lol. Granted, she's getting better now. Perhaps it's because I've had to squirt her with water a billion times...ugh, lol. She's cute though, and it doesn't feel like I'm all alone when Kev's at work, which makes all the tyranny worth while ^_^ We have to get her declawed though, before she starts wrecking things....
Well, I should take off and start doing that homework I said I was going to do. Take care all! Maybe I'll update soon! Oyasuminasai!