How to Give an Impossible Answer to an Impossibly Simple Question
Gemini asked me
A very simple quiestion.
He asked, "Why Derik?"
He asked this question
In such a casual manner,
As if it were no less casual
Than asking about the weather.
For whatever reason, however,
I was unable to answer.
Perhaps it was because,
Deep down,
I knew the real question he asked:
"Why not me?"
And I knew that,
If I were to answer,
I would be inevitably
Comparing Gemini to Derik.
If I had listed qualities about Derik
That Gemini did not portray,
He would question himself,
Question his nature,
And possibly try to change his ways,
To become the one that I love.
In truth, I loved Gemini
As himself -
I could not bear
To see him change.
If I had listed the qualities
That Gemini portrayed as well,
He would question,
Even more feverently,
"Then why not me?
Why him?
I loved you first,
From the very beginning,
Yet I came SECOND!
Why Derik?
What's wrong with me?"
I would reply with,
"Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with you.
I love you
Just the way you are!"
He would ask again,
"Then why not me?"
"Because you lived
In a different town,
And I didn't want
A long-distance relationship."
Taken aback,
He would look at me,
And look into himself.
He would think,
"If only I had moved,
Maybe,
We could have been together..."
He would be saddened,
For he would feel as if
He missed his chance.
"So,"
He would say,
Needing some sort of closure,
"If I had moved,
Would you have gone out with me?"
I would be
At a loss for words,
Since I know
That I would have agreed.
Derik had a girlfriend
At that time,
When Gemini would have moved,
And I would have agreed.
I would not have found
A reason to not be with Gemini,
So I would have missed my chance
To be with Derik.
Thinking on this,
I would be deeply saddened and torn,
And once again,
I would be unable to answer.
"Would you?"
Gemini would ask,
Hurt,
In almost desperation.
I would bow my head and nod.
He would grow silent,
And think about
What could have been.
Perhaps he would become resolute to wait -
Wait until Derik would leave,
Wait until he would have a chance,
For as we all know,
It's so very hard
To give up
On deep adoration.
I would be sad,
For I want nothing
But Gemini's happiness.
If I should confide this,
He would say,
Defeated,